I'm Built for Hibernation

My whole life I've struggled through the Winter months.  I always thought this time of year was difficult for me because of me.  I blamed myself for not being energetic, happy or motivated.  As I tried to correct my wrongness or weakness, I spent a lot of time observing my behaviors, what worked and what didn't work to help me be at least tolerant of the dark, cold months.  Somehow I developed a belief that there is something wrong with me because I'm unable to be myself for 5, 6 and sometimes 7 months of the year.

I'm beginning to understand that I do have extreme drops in hormone levels with vitamin D and thyroid.  Knowing this is a relief because I can take action to counteract these drops.  Also, it helps me understand that I haven't done anything wrong and there is a good chance that beating myself up, about not enjoying New England Winter months, wasn't going to make it better.

I've decided that I'm going to try to be gentle and compassionate to myself, particularly my seasonal challenges.  Instead of fighting against the decreased energy, I'll rest more.  Instead of trying to get things done when it feels as though I'm trudging through mud, I'll do only what I can do comfortably.  This means that I'll begin to not push myself so hard.

I can feel and see, over the years, the extreme difference in me from August to February.  For years, I've told people that I don't thaw out, from the Winter, until July.  I also feel that August is the only month of the year where I feel most like me; the motivated, energetic, smiling, joy filled me.  By January I feel like a lump and I dream about a cave of my own with all the food and warmth to last me through the next four month.  No…really, ask my husband.  I tell him that a warm tiny home with warm food (that I don't have to cook) would be ideal for me.

During the years of blaming myself for being so uncomfortable with Winters, a cave and an opportunity to hibernate felt like I was running away.  It felt like giving up because why would I be so different from others?  I was still comparing myself to those around me and felt less than because I wasn't like them.

I no longer feel less than.  For me, I need to slow down and use less energy. It's important for me to learn how to embrace the flow of my internal seasons.  A warmer climate, year round, may be helpful, but for now while my kids are in school, I'm taking it down a couple of notches.  I will allow myself to put some of my projects on hold and cut down on some of the regular things I do.  Now, hibernating sounds and feels like a thoughtful gift to myself.

This blog is a great tracking system for my personal seasons.  During the months when I'm feeling more like myself and not hibernating there are many more posts than the months of hibernation.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri