Weather Forecast

My personal experience shows that New England and Fibromyalgia are not a great match.  A popular quote says, "If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a minute."

I've heard many people with fibromyalgia talk about how it seems as thought the biometric pressure has an impact on pain and stiffness.  I also wonder if it has an impact on emotions.  Could the change in air pressure be squishing our brains.  Would this explain brain fog?  I'm hoping wacky theories may inspire some researchers to find some answers for us.

This Winter, in particular, I've noticed that a few days before a big storm, I begin to experience a headache.  The pressure in my head increases as the storm approaches and the day before, I become irritable and my thinking becomes fuzzy.  The day of these storms, my brain is completely on the fritz and depression kicks in.  A thought will begin and just as quickly leave a blank space.  In the middle of sentences, I forget what I was saying and words become jumbled.  Is there a word for dyslexia of speech?  I also notice that reading is useless.  I understand the individual words as I read them but a sentence means nothing.  Imagine trying to make sense of a storyline with a sentence like, "Josephine blah de blah happily do re with blah me fa." I think it's only human to experience extreme frustration, confusion and disappointment when we know we are so incredible capable of functioning in the world…most of the time.

I've wondered if it would be easier if I had brain fog all the time.  I would have the opportunity to accept what is and learn how to live my life within the parameters of the fog.  I've had extended foggy times lasting 3 or more months.  During that time period, I went through the stages of grief and came around to accepting the condition and learning how to function in the world then the fog lifted.  I could see clearly, speak full sentences and even go out to tend to my garden without forgetting why I was suddenly standing in the middle of the yard.  I was overjoyed about feeling like myself again.  My brain felt as though it had been reattached giving me the desire to shout, "I'M ALIVE!" followed by a maniacal laugh.  The extremes of living with a brain and no brain, sight and no sight, mobility and no mobility are a huge challenge.  I think it would be an easier road acclimating to different abilities than having functionality come and go seemingly randomly.

Of course, through all of this analysis, my spiritual beliefs emerge.  I do believe that the ups and downs of the fibro roller coaster are a part of my life for a reason.  I'm learning so much about myself and how the world works.  I'm given the opportunity to learn resilience…often.  Not only is resilience useful in an ever changing world, it also opens a door to focusing on what is truly important in my life.  I've learned that even though I feel more like myself when my faculties are functioning at a high level, the aptness of my body is not who I am.  One thing that is important in my life is opening up to the true me.  I'm defined by my heart and soul and how I show up in the world, not by my physical or mental abilities.  Redefining who I am is my growing edge.  It's easy to see what I'm not and I'm on a mission to begin uncovering who I am.

We all have a process we're going through in life.  Some see the process as a fight or struggle and some see it as an opportunity.  Most of us can see both sides of the coin but if we begin to put more focus on the opportunity than the struggle, we'll see many more blessings for us in the process.  Remember, blessings are not a reward we get at the end.  Blessings are a byproduct of our willingness to wake up.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri

Effects of Missing my Top 3 (repost)

This morning was challenging.  I woke up groggy, semi-foggy and I wasn't clear of my morning routine.  It took effort to remember what I needed to do once I was up.  I ended up feeling confused and muddled through waking up children.  It wasn't until someone asked what was for breakfast that I realized that I usually cook or set something out for them.  Even on challenging days, I'll tell them ahead of time that they'll need to grab their own cereal or make their own lunch.  Not today, I spend a lot of time with a blank mind, not even realizing that I usually have a routing.  I did look at my calendar for the day and saw that I had an Aqua PT appointment in the morning.  So the kids were off to the bus and I took a short, half hour break before getting ready for my appointment.  I fell, sound asleep on the couch.  It's a good thing Ray was there to wake me on time.  I rushed out with my bathing suit in hand and got to PT to find out that I did not have an appointment.  I could feel the emotions starting to bubble and I used my mindfulness training to breath, affirm, let go and head back home.

The only other thing on my calendar was food shopping.  Usually a task that I take pride in.  I have a simple system of printing a menu that comes with a shopping list then printing coupons and I'm on my way.  Today this task created anxiety, confusion and upset.  I was overwhelmed with the process, although simple, so I began to just write a shopping list and this became muddled.  Between my eating habits and teenager eating habits, it seemed as though I couldn't keep clear on what was needed or what anyone would eat.  I just wanted to lay down and rest. I wanted to hide until the confusion and overwhelm went away, but the family needs to eat, so I pushed on.  Imagine trudging through three feet of boot sucking mud just to find out you went in the wrong direction.  That is what my morning felt like.  Then life began to sling some mud cakes my way.  I played a not so fun game of phone tag with a doctor I needed to talk with, an automated phone system that I couldn't understand.  "Am I a new patient if I'm registered at the hospital or am I an old patient making a first appointment with a new doctor?" As my brain was trying to work out this quandary, I was transferred to the operator.  I'm sure she would have been very helpful, if I was capable of verbalizing what I needed.  I confused her, got transferred three times and finally talked to someone who could translate fibro-brain lingo.  My day, at 10am was beginning to close in on me.  I started with little energy and the uncontrollable tears began to flow.  I just told myself to let them out, let out the stress and frustration then get some rest and take another baby step later.

Over the years of learning how to manage my fibromyalgia, three daily management techniques have emerged.  The first is meditation, then exercise and then reading daily inspiration.  It is so much easier to let my morning aching body stay in bed, or go back to bed after getting the kids on the bus, but that doesn't help me feel better.  You'd think a nice warm, tempur-pedic bed and pillow would make anyone feel better, but too much of a good thing can get stale.  So, I know enough about myself to know that I need to feel productive or as if I accomplished at least one small thing a day.  On some days it's a very small thing, but it's an accomplishment either way.

The thing that I usually do in the morning is exercise first thing in the morning.  I may wake up stiff, sore and exhausted, so I've created a mantra.  As soon as my eyes open, I tell myself, "feet on the floor, out the door".  There are no other thoughts and if I'm lucky, there are no distractions on my way to the door, because those usually throw me completely off course.  Once I'm out the door, I realize the hard part is done.  I just need to move my legs at the pace that works at the time.  Some days it's a limp to the end of our short driveway and back and sometimes it's a wobbly jog (joggle) of about 2 miles or so.  I've found that the exercise first thing in the morning, gets my blood flowing.  I believe my low blood pressure contributes to my sluggishness and fatigue.  Once my heart-rate goes up some, the endorphins kick in and the muscle aches subside.  Then the energy that is usually focused on the aching body can be used in other areas, like, laundry, lunches or just kissing my kids good morning.  The energy wears off within a couple of hours, which makes me feel a little like Cinderella.  How much can I get done before the endorphins leave my body and I turn into a pumpkin?  Along with being aware of not doing too much because that may send me into a fibro flare lasting a couple of weeks.  The balancing act is very interesting.

Next is to spend some quiet time reading something inspirational.  Lately, it's been A Course in Miracles, which I'm loving!  This helps me set the intention for my day so I feel I am co-creating instead of constantly reacting to what the world slings at me.  Co-creation, preparation and awareness are all very empowering, then during the brain fog and flare, I have short term memory loss and work to remember this.  Maybe I'll place sticky notes around, pointing me to my blog to remind myself of what works for my healing.

Third, is meditation.  Oh, I can't say enough about meditation.  Imagine feeling that swirling of thoughts, to do lists and responsibilities in your head.  Then imagine taking as little as ten minutes out of your day to sit in the quiet and just allow the thoughts to move through without attachment to any of them.  After a short ten minutes, there is a feeling of lightness and those thoughts begin to arrange themselves into priorities.  Some things fade away because the were not significant and were just eating up emotion and energy.  I meditate for an hour each day and have a specific meditation CD I use each time.  I'm most comfortable either sitting up with support for my head or lying down and since there is no place in my small home to create a meditation space, I lay in bed.  This pretty much means that I'm aware for the first half hour and sleep-atating for the second half hour.  I still feel the benefits, but plan to create a cool meditation space with a chair and an alter...I can't wait!

Tomorrow, my eyes will open with my affirmation ringing in my ears, "feet on the floor, out the door".  Next my personal time with spirit and inspirational reading and finally, meditation.  Mind, Body and Spirit.  Balance.  Then I know I'll have a chance at co-creating my day as well as allowing the ups and downs to peacefully flow through.