My Blog's Been Hijacked

     Normally, a sensational woman by the name of Terri takes some time from her day to sit and write what I call “words of wisdom” in order to both help others who are dealing with the multitude of effects that fibro brings and help herself by (what I feel is) purging herself of the day’s events.

     Often times, she mentions that while dealing with what may come day after day, she gets help from her three beautiful children and her (her words not mine) amazing husband.

     Tonight, instead of the usual blog, allowing you to see the world through her eyes, I would like to share with you how she is seen. I believe if there were anyone who could give you some insight on this woman… the woman you have decided to follow… it would be me. I am her husband.

     First, may I say, before anything else… she is the real deal.

     I have seen first hand the lows of how hard this disease can bring her and have been there to enjoy the moments in time when she is having a “good day.”

     Being sensitive to a multitude of medications, I have been there on numerous rides to the hospital because her breathing was labored, her throat would not allow her to swallow or her blood pressure would drop incredibly low.

     I have watched her cry in pain while her swollen feet and stiffened legs made it nearly impossible to get through her morning knowing her only comfort would be wrapped up in a cozy comforter while regaining her strength in our bed.

     I could go on rehashing the stories of what you’ve already heard from Terri but instead, I would like to touch on the soul within the body.

     How this woman knows no defeat.

     How this woman gives everything she can, every day. Even on the tough ones.

     How this woman is a true inspiration to anyone who actually takes the time to sit and talk with her and get to know her.

     I’ve truly never met a person who has had life challenge her in so many different ways and who will simply not allow a giving up attitude to happen.

     I think one of the reasons I found her so perfect for me so long ago and still today has to do with my love for the movie “Rocky” and the sequels that followed. Anyone who knows me knows how these movies has affected my life from the time I was a young child.

     Terri has that FIGHT in her. She always has that FIGHT in her. A partial quote from the last movie is, “It’s not about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.”

     She could have written those lines.

     Through it all, she could have decided to fight the good fight and take a bitter look at the world. She could have looked at life with a why me attitude or I’ll just push on because I have to mentality.

     Not my wife.

     Every day, I hear of some plan or idea to help the environment or a better way to live on this planet. She pours herself into online classes and talks with others who are trying to make a difference in this world. She creates tasks for each upcoming day. All while knowing that that next day may bring a change to the chalk writing on the blackboard in her mind. The next day may erase half of what she has written or even clean the board entirely.

     But she picks up the chalk and writes out a plan or lesson for the very next day.

     Her endless need to be there for her children is an incredible sight to see. No matter how she feels… even with those swollen feet… she will get them ready for school and drive them there in the morning. Help them with all kinds of paperwork even if it means doing it from bed. Teaches them to be good, peaceful and loving beings without an inkling of look at what this world has done to me. It’s always about what can you do in this world.

     I talk with my wife all the time and I know of no one who can give better advice or a good kick in the butt when I need it.

     She is a woman of passion, drive and intellect. But most of all, she is all that is good in the world. A beautiful soul. And believe me, you have found the right blog to follow.

     I’ve read every one too.

Thank you for reading, following and forwarding!!!

Ray

Sadness After a Great Day

I had the wonderful opportunity to speak in front of my spiritual congregation today.  In preparing what I would say and how I would say it, I was excited to get back on stage.  I use to dream about telling stories to groups of people, teaching classes on self care and self awareness.  These are things I use to do on occasion and each time I did them, I'd feel so alive.  I felt as though while I was teaching or speaking, things flowed with ease and grace and time disappeared. Today, I had my usual butterflies before I got on stage and while I was on stage, I was a bit jittery.  When I was finished, I could feel some of the bubbling of, "this is what I'm meant to do", coming up.   Then the tightness in my chest and the welling of tears.  I really wanted to enjoy and embrace the opportunity, but I walked away feeling extremely sad.

My husband and kids came to support me.  I got wonderful, caring feedback after the service.  I was even approached and told that I would be speaking again, many times.  When this wonderful woman said that to me, she was so confident it made me wonder if I had agreed to speak another time.  I hadn't, but it made me happy, sad and scared to hear about the possibility.

The very first time I did a public speech was in High School.  I was terrified and had a very difficult time finding a topic to talk about.  I finally decided that I'd talk about something that I didn't have to memorize.  I'd talk about a personal experience.  I took it as an opportunity to compassionately communicate how hurt I was when I was the new kid in school, 5 years prior, and I was treated very poorly.  With tacks on my chair, girls telling me I was ugly, to my face, and kids turning and walking away when I approached. I talked about how mean everyone was toward me and how lonely it felt in a new town with no friends.

The second time, was when I decided that I'd work as a clown at children's birthday parties.  I did so well with this type of speaking/performing, I built a business out of it and became a professional for ten years.

Then I became a fitness instructor teaching spinning classes and yoga classes.  All of this experience made it very clear to me that being a leader and speaker was something I had to do.  It is part of who I am.

Now, with fibromyalgia, I don't know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next.  I know that during the dry, Summer months I feel my best.  I'm capable of doing more and I feel more confident about committing to things in the future.  The last two Summers, I thought I may have overcome the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and made some big plans that carried into the Fall and Winter.  Unfortunately, I had to cancel once the damp, cold weather rolled in.  I let myself down and others who were relying on me.

My heart feels as though it's torn in two.  I'm called to speak!  I'm called to tell my story and inspire others to tell their stories and share the gifts they've gotten from their stories.  I'm called to lead.  There's a fire in my soul to speak the truth and encourage others to do the same.  This illness.  How can I let that fire burn when this pain and fatigue take over my body?  My soul has a strong and passionate mission and my body is experiencing illness that doesn't allow my soul to soar.

I have great Faith that I will find a way to allow my soul to soar.  I'll keep listening to Spirit and following the breadcrumbs.  The answer is within me....somewhere and in time, I'll hear it loud and clear.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!