Triplets, High School, Applications, OH MY!

It's hard to believe, but they're going into 8th grade in September.  On one hand, I can state the old adage, 'time flew by', but on the other hand, it feels as though time has passed at just the rate it was meant to.  Raising them, as a single parent, from infancy until they were 12 was quite a journey and one I wouldn't change for anything!  The four of us have a bond that's indescribable.  I encouraged independence and individuality while weaving in our family motto, "treat others with Loving Kindness" (especially the sibling who may have just run away with your favorite toy).  I allowed them to have opinions and taught each of them to use their strong, inner voice.  These days, I remind them that their negotiation skills are top notch, so they don't need to practice on me any longer.  They are each incredibly different even though they were born only minutes apart.  Then again, they are all courageous leaders, in their individual ways.  One is a quiet, behind the scenes leader who lets others feel as though they are leading.  The second has a strong presence that makes others feel comfortable yet curious, and they follow.  The third is much more obvious with her leadership qualities and aspirations.  We have four mighty personalities.

The year they were 12, I got married to a gentle, strong, easygoing, unconditionally loving man, Ray.  We, the original four, were not looking to add another to our family, but best friends fell in love.  What's a person to do?  I knew the kids liked him when after dating for a month, we were driving in my small Prius, and from the back seat Ray and I heard, "When are you gonna be our Dad?".  He had many opportunities to gently slip away...or maybe turn and bolt, but he didn't.  Ray hung around and is, today, the key to balance in our family.  His personality, lovingly guides the leaders in the house who want to take on the world, yesterday.

Of course, with such large ambition and independent personalities, all three are looking into numerous different High Schools.  I had to put a limit on how many they would apply to and the max per child was three.  That would be nine campus tours, nine interviews, nine sets of applications, nine sets of financial aid forms, many hours of research and, I'm guessing, tons of phone calls.

In the past, when it came to summer camp or other interests, I did all the research and communicated with who ever needed communications, then I'd let them know when I'd drive them there.  The triplets could sit back and I would present the final plan for what they were interested in exploring.

With the awareness that I'm putting more energy into healing and making sure I don't over do it, I told the triplets that, at 13, they can bring me the final plan.  I let them know how I went about the research, and communicated with the appropriate people to get information about what was needed and they've seen me do this for years.  Now, it's their turn.  I handed over the baton(s).  I'm available for them to ask me questions to help guide them on their quest, but I'm stepping down from being their Sherpa.  It's time for them to learn how to lead themselves and explore the routes that work and don't work for them.  And it helps me stick to my commitment to extreme self care, to heal and be available to support them as they prepare for their rites of passage.

They may trip, stumble and there may even be some tears.  I'm fully confident that this venture will teach them how to fly. Mom and Dad will always be available for advice, a hug, a smile of encouragement or some great high fives!




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I've Decided...I Don't Enjoy the Swings Anymore

Remember as a young child, we couldn't wait to go to the park to swing on the swings.  It took me so long to figure out how to pump my legs, but once I did, I felt so accomplished!  There was so much pride and it was fun.  I would think about trying to pump my feet hard enough to loop myself all the way around.

I bring my children to the park and one of my daughters will stay on the swings the entire time.  The other two enjoy them, still, but like to explore other areas of the park as well.

This is a great metaphor for adult life.  With the waxing and waning of pain and ups and downs of depression, these swings are no fun.  I'm constantly aware of keeping my thoughts and attitude positive even though just under the surface is pain and sadness.  It feels as if there is just this thin membrane keeping the rumblings of pain and tears from breaking through.  It seems as though my body is easily triggered lately.  Much more than before.  It's a feeling of being raw and if someone touches my skin it hurts. The emotions are triggered just as easily.  My body feels as thought there is no skin and my ribcage is broken open, exposing my heart.  There's a feeling of ripping or tearing of my heart.  Since I don't enjoy the swings any longer, I'll be exploring other areas of the park.

This morning I woke up in great spirits, I did my run.  And I was glad that it was less of a joggle and more of an actual run.  I took in the warmth of the sun and envisioned my day in Boston with my family.  As soon as I walked into my home, after the run, I was triggered by a comment.  I shifted my thinking, was aware of the shift in mood and chose to not react negatively.  A few minutes later I was triggered by actions that were the direct opposite of what I requested.  Again, I went through my tools and looked at the other side of things and chose react positively.  The Chronic Fatigue was beginning to show its face and the stressors were draining me.

The family got into the car, to head Boston, and just as we got on the highway, I realized the time.  We were an hour later than we had planned.  We had non-refundable tickets to enjoy the Boston Duck Tour and we were going to miss it.  My defenses were depleted and my swing was out of control.  I lost it.  My anger hit the roof.  I felt as though the planning of the day was all on my shoulders, including keeping time, keeping everyone moving in the right direction and making it to our destination on time.  These are the days when I feel as though my brain is clear and functioning well and I think that's the perception of others also, but today proves that's not the case.  We have a large paper calendar in the kitchen and each of us have linked calendar apps on our phones/ipods.  So my question is, why is it, no one else noticed the time we were suppose to be there and helped correct my obvious fibro brain?

It's a tough dilema when I present physically, emotionally and mentally okay, but we realize after the fact that I wasn't fine.  I was forgetting things, getting lost on my way to the YMCA, which is a straight, 3 mile shot from our house or I was getting into the car an hour late.  Today, I'm sure it had something to do with my brain saying that we had to leave by quarter to 10 and my language said 10:45.  I think I'm saying the correct thing.  Everyone around me thinks I'm saying the correct thing but without someone to double check my communications, we all get stuck on the swing.

Gratefully, as we were on the road and I was pitching a fit, my loving husband called ahead to see if we could take a later tour.  My state of mind had already determined that the day was shot and it was my fault.  There was that tiny sparkle of hope when I asked someone to step in and find out if we had any other options.  For the most part, I was almost to the point of giving up and Ray got confirmation that there was room on another tour.

This fibro fog, depression and pain swings are a challenge and I'm beginning to see signs of teenage metamorphosis.  I'm realizing that it is possible to find balance with family and health, but the transition is going to be interesting.

I am grateful that I just purchased my friend +Jackie Woodside's book, What if it's...Time For A Change.  I'm on the second chapter and it's helping me understand my change temperament.  I know it's different from younger, painless years, so I'll be looking at how I can prepare for change with other, energy draining, challenges in my life.

Here's to no swings tomorrow and less stress.

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