I'm Dancing With My Health

What a great August in New England!  My energy was flowing with some to spare.  My sleep was good and my pain levels were down.  I was impressed with my stable moods and pleasant demeanor...inside and out.  You know, that inside demeanor can really make a difference.

When September came along, the weather got cooler and I continued with my normal routine.  There were a couple of changes...big ones...with the kids going back to school and my husband's mom needing more care but it was going well.  About a week ago, I was having a conversation with my husband about how September is a month of transitions and that every year, I prepare myself for the changes.  At the time, he was a bit blown away by the upset apple cart.  The triplets were adjusting to a new grade, more homework and the most important decision...what sport to do.  With all the hustle and bustle, I was calm and cool, centered and focused through most of it.

Yesterday was another story.  I was feeling off.  I felt more tired than I've been in a while, much more irritable and my inner demeanor was getting meaner.  From past experience, I know this is usually a sign of a fibro flare coming on.  This morning I had trouble getting out of bed.  It felt as though I didn't get a wink of sleep.  After the kids got on the bus, I went back to bed (moment of gratitude for the ability to go back to bed) and slept for another two hours.  Eleven hours of sleep and I still felt like a zombie.  I've been going over and over my routine to see if I've gotten away from an important aspect of my healing routine and besides my birthday celebration last Saturday (a little cake and a glass of wine), I'm on track.  Is it the change in weather, the increased stress that I'm managing well or maybe that this is my peak allergy season?  I may not ever know.

What I do know is that I'm blessed to have had such a healthful Summer and that I have a wonderful new doctor.  I also know that these challenging days or weeks will creep in until my body is completely healed.  It may take a short time or a long time to nurse my body, mind and soul back to full health and that's okay with me.

I'll step left when I need to step left and step right with the change in weather or song.  I'll do the dosie do and turn myself around during the healing process.  Listening to my body and my intuition is important so I can do the dance steps that flow with this process.  If I'm taking misstep, there's tension and resistance to the direction I'm meant to go.  Each day I learn a new step to this dance with my health.

Now to find a way to ease the mean in my inner demeanor.  More self love will be my first step there.


Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri

From Onion Skin to Chrysalis

From the time that I first heard of the metaphor of learning and growing being referred to as peeling layers of an onion, I've held onto that vision...until now.  I was cooking the other day and as you can probably guess, I was peeling and cutting an onion.  Each cut burned my eyes just a little more until the tears started to roll down my cheeks.  As usual, my mind was busy thinking about the beauty of the freshly cut lawn I could see out the window, the to-do list ahead of me, the to-do list for each of the kids, watching the tiny ant scurry across the counter top and so on.  As my thoughts moved from one seemingly random thing to the next, I became aware of the tears, the onion and the metaphor. I wondered why we use that particular metaphor.  The process of peeling layers of an onion caused pain and tears.  Why do we feel we need pain and tears to learn and grow?

Is it possible to learn and grow through other channels?  Maybe through meditation, insight and action through integrity.  Many people have wonderful stories about overcoming adversity and seeing life with new perspective.  For years I believed that it was the tough times that motivated us to grow and see things in new ways.  Many of my mentors have inspired me to look beyond my illness, rise above the challenges and create heaven on earth.  For now, in this era and this time in our evolution, I feel we, as a human race, are exactly where we are meant to be.  The adversity and challenge in life and in the world is waking us up.  At some point there will be so many of us who live with awareness and take responsibility for our part in caring for ourselves, our neighbors and our world that we'll tip the scales.  We're moving toward a conscious human world that realizes and learns how to use our energy and thoughts to create and live in peace.  At that point, there will be no need for challenge, pain, hurt, war, adversity, etc to motivate us to wake up.

I've decided that my connection with the metaphor of peeling the onion to uncover my true essence, doesn't serve me anymore.  I would like to jump from the onion to consistently living in heaven on earth, but it feels as though there are more steps in the process to truly integrate that mindset and heartset.  It would be like expecting a toddler to balance a checkbook.  It's a big jump.

I'm saying goodbye to the onion and it's time to replace it with something that will serve my state of being.  In my flow of thoughts, or onion meditation, the chrysalis came to mind.  A soft, nurturing place, intended for transformation.  A temporary home, so to speak.  The chrysalis is a place where, when the butterfly is ready, it emerges.  This is a much better metaphor because with the onion, we have to wait, tolerate and attempt to overcome the pain and suffering until the layers have been removed.  With the chrysalis, we emerge exactly when we are meant to, with nothing holding us back.  There's no waiting, fighting, pain or tears, just divine emergence.

Thanks for reading!

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A Blogger's Debut (repost)

I've gone back and forth many times about starting a blog.  My biggest hiccup is around the lack of consistency fibromyalgia brings to my life.  You see, I'm a recovering Type A personality and struggle with not being as reliable as I use to be.  Once upon a time, I had a great deal of respect for people who were reliable, consistent and great at follow-through.  So, there's my dilemma; as a strong woman living with fibromyalgia, I live day-to-day.  I'm unable to commit to anything because I never know when the Brain Fog will roll in, the aching pain will strike, or the limbs will take an unplanned hiatus.  According to my beliefs around who deserves respect, I no longer fit into my own set of 'rules to live by'.  This creates a bit of an internal conflict!

Here I am, ready to take on creating a new belief that fits much better into my life and doesn't exclude me from the level of respect I deserve.  I'm moving forward to bring peace to the inner conflict.  I'm moving forward to find the Silver Linings of Fibromyalgia!

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002.  It took many doctors, my persistence and the wonderful support of my Mom and sister to finally get someone to believe me.  My Mom was diagnosed many years ago and my sister has struggled with Autoimmune Disease for quite some time.  I'm very fortunate to have family members who can relate to this strange and unpredictable chronic illness.

At first it was difficult for me to determine whether or not my fatigue and soreness were just a side effect of being a single Mom of two year old triplets.  Of course that's what all the doctors said, too.  I heard that I was under too much stress, I wasn't getting enough sleep and that I wasn't taking good enough care of myself.  Well, that pretty much describes every mother of toddlers.  Then my left arm went numb at work.  My brain would tell it to move and it wouldn't.  My arm was very cold and tingly and it scared the hell out of me.  That's when I called in all the troops (supports) and found a doctor who half-believed I had fibromyalgia.  At the time, that was good enough for me.  At least I had a name to the random pain that would switch from a leg one day to my neck another.  Since then, I've been diagnosed with IBS, Arthritis, Raynaud's Disease, Hip Bursitis, Pituitary Adenoma, Pancreatic Cyst, Goiter, Hypotension, Major Depression, PTSD and Anxiety.  Phew.  I'm thinking, "Of course I have anxiety.  Who wouldn't with that medical journal of a file."

These last 11 years have had some tsunami's and some beautiful white sand with calm beaches at sunset.  I've learned a great deal about how to manage my fibro and after each Flare or Fog, I relearn it all over again.  I'm grateful that I bounce!

I plan to be here, sharing my stories and experiences, when I can.  You'll get a glimpse of who I am, how I live, my strengths and my vulnerabilities.  Above all, I hope I inspire, encourage and activate some of you to keep seeking the Silver Linings!

Resilience is Key

Ta-dah!  I changed the title of my post.  I'll repost the past posts under the new title in the next couple of days, so they don't get lost.  I continued my research for blog titles, and found a pretty established one with my name.  What's a girl to do?  Be resilient!  That's the key to so many things in life.  I even looked up the word, resilience on Dictionary.com and this is what it said;

re·sil·ience

 [ri-zil-yuhns, -zil-ee-uhns] Show IPA

noun

1.

the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.

2.

ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

I found this definition very funny because #1 is how I feel most of the time and #2 is what my body experiences most of the time.  I'm surprised my name isn't attached as an example of the two.  So, when I say that I bounce, I think most people would say that I'm resilient.  I like 'bounce' personally. 

As you can see, my new blog is called, Seeking the Gifts of Fibromyalgia.  It's pretty much the same concept and I like the word, 'seeking'.  I'm a seeker always looking to grow and learn.

Today, I was resilient in another way too.  I said 'goodbye' to the Aqua Therapy my doctor prescribed.  For years, my doctors have been trying to get me to do aqua therapy.  They all say that exercise has been proven to decrease pain.  My response has always been to tell them about the walking, swimming and joggling that I do on a regular basis.  I continue by telling them that I've noticed that I get the most benefit when it's a good cardio workout.  I can feel the endorphins and I'm sure there's a whole stream of scientific terms to explain the chemicals that decrease my pain after a good cardio workout.  All I know is that I feel better.  Never the less, my doctor's have continued to insist on the Aqua therapy.  My biggest question was, "Is it sustainable?  Once I begin, can I continue to do this therapy for as long as my fibro sticks around?" (I believe I can beat this one way or another). Of course the doctors let me know that I can only do as many sessions as my insurance will allow.  That to me sounds like a, "no, it's not sustainable".  My other concern was the drastic temperature changes from the water to the air to the locker room.  One of my triggers is drastic temperature changes and can send me into flare for weeks.

I finally decided to try it and see what benefits may come.  I told myself, "you'll never know if you don't try."  By the second session, I was in such a flare I cut down to once a week from two.  That didn't help, so today, I said goodbye to Aqua Therapy.  It was not sustainable. created more pain and discomfort and took me away from my normal exercise routine....remember....the one I told the doctor's worked for me.  So, tomorrow, I'm back to my reliable, sustainable and helpful endorphin rush.  I'm so glad I bounce!