I'm Here But You Want Me There

It feels as though you don't see that I'm growing and moving forward.  There always seems to be this expectation that I'm going to be Super Woman and do it all.  I know that I'm capable of much more than I'm doing now, but what is wrong with just being?  The process of doing all the time and meeting the high levels of expectations feels so forced and is incredibly exhausting.

Just so we're clear, let me go over the difference between doing and being.  It's not that doing is productive and being is lazy.  That's a big misconception!

I was a Doing Mom.  I was the only parent to my triplets for many years and my doing consisted of; getting my kids into the best school possible, cooking almost every meal, cleaning all the time, making sure weekends were productive and fun for the kids, doing a few things so I could rejuvenate during stressful times, wash dry and fold laundry on a regular basis, have the perfect bag of snacks and things in the car at all times, etc.  What I began to ask myself, when it got to be too much for one person, was am I doing all of this because it's expected or because its necessary.  My answer was shocking.  It was a resounding, because it's expected.  I had the image of what a Mom's role is and there was no questioning that I had the Beaver Cleaver family expectation.  Clean house, well behaved kids, smiles on the outside, blahda, blahda, blahda.  I wondered what I could cut back on and still provide a happy and loving home for my kids.

I'm now a Being Mom...or working on the concept anyway.  I find joy in food shopping for my family, so I do all the food shopping.  I have terrible pain when I try to wash dishes, so my family (husband and three kids) rotate evening dish washing.  Oh, and as a family, we realized that having a crystal clean sink all the time was not a necessity.  Washing dishes once a day worked for everyone at home, and it's more enjoyable to do it once than multiple times a day.  I'm not sure where the concept of 'clean enough to eat off the floor' came from, but we really don't need to eat off the floor.  We have a perfectly good table.  Once we figured that out, the floor gets cleaned once a week instead of every day.  Also, I realized that hugging my kids every day and telling them that I love them, even when they're annoyed with me, actually has a longer sustainable life than a gazillion presents under the Christmas Tree.

Maybe the deeper difference between doing and being is that doing is mindless and being is mindful.  I don't need to do more, make more money, acquire more things, be the most popular in the PTA (I'm not actually in the PTA, but you know what I mean) and keep moving just to keep moving.  I like to stay still and sit.  I even like it when its quiet.  I enjoy smelling the roses and watching my children be curious about the world around them.  I love sitting in my room and hearing my family, in the next room, laughing and playing (many times my husband starts it).

So, I hope you understand.  I'm going to ask you not to 'should' all over me anymore.  I know what my priorities are and they may be very different than yours.  That's what makes us unique.  If I look like I'm not doing anything.  It's probably because I'm being.


Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!
Terri

Doing What I Know Helps Even When it's Hard

I want so badly to be able to focus on my family; triplets and husband.  My kids recently got involved with the film industry and modeling.  I am passionate about supporting their dreams and exploration in the world.  After a month of waiting to hear about some work, the kids have been very patient and today, they got booked for a movie.  They'll be extras, which is a great place to begin.  I'm so happy for them and can't wait to let them know that they will be on set on Monday.

The overwhelm I feel is around my illnesses, my multiple doctor's appointments and the daily in-the-moment status.  Today, I've been out of the house and a bit more active than I've been all week.

 It feels as though the movement is causing some physical and emotional discomfort.  Experiencing Fibromyalgia for 10 years and I still have days when I feel like this is just weird!  Why is my movement causing discomfort.  I just want to be in bed, and that may be the depression talking.  Sadness is always tugging from within and I keep it at bay most of the time.  Today, the sadness is seeping out my pours.  I feel emotional bubbling just under my skin and my eyes are leaky.

I planned to go swimming after my doctor's appointment this morning, but forgot my swim bag and missed my window of pool time.  It may seem counter-intuitive with the discomfort in my body, but I'm going to go for a joggle.  Just maybe the energy in my body is stuck and needs some shaking up.  A wobbly jog or slow walk can only do my mind and body good, as long as I keep it moderate.  I tend to overdue it once I get outdoors.

I'll be back in a bit to finish this blog and let you know how it goes... Feel free to read and comment on some of my other posts until I get back (elevator music playing).

Oh, you're still here.  Excellent!  It was a success.  Getting out into the fresh air and some exercise was helpful.  I feel, well, cleansed.  I do think it was an energy build up, as well as toxins that needed to be released.  I'm not so overwhelmed, I'm much more in the moment and the sadness has subsided (not gone, but better).  It can be so hard to follow through with what I know helps when all I want to do is crawl into bed.

One more thing before I go to get ready to tell the kids the good news about being in a movie.  While on my runish/walkish exercise, I was again presented with some 'breadcrumbs'.  At first I didn't realize they were signs, but Universe really knows what I need, in the moment.  Heading down the street, a shiny object caught my eye (ok, those of you who know me...sparkly things do distract me), and when I looked at it I realized it was a nut.  Not the type you eat, but he kind that a bolt goes through.  No big deal, there are a lot of junk things on the side of the road.  On my way back home, something caught my eye and it was another nut.  Two...and I know there are no coincidences, so I had to giggle.  That

was my turning point, the giggle.  So, I guess I'm either nuts or I have a screw loose :)  Either way, I'm feeling better and I'm proud of myself for pushing through to do what I know helps me heal.






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