Time for a New Course of Action

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2002 and have gotten little support from the mainstream medical profession and an increase in the severity of the symptoms.  Even my Rheumatologist told me that if I'm unable to tolerate prescription medications, that there was nothing more she could do for me.  I've been to every specialist that my insurance would agree to cover; pain management, physical therapy, psychiatry, gastrointestinal specialist, neurologist, biofeedback, water therapy and rheumatology.  All of which have not been successful in helping me with this chronic illness.

I feel as though I am shuffling through a deck of cards and not finding the Ace of Hearts.  Each doctor's visit takes time and energy and ends with a prescription pad.  When I'm not in a fibro fog, I am a pretty good advocate for myself, but with the fog, the prescription gets written.  On the days when my head is clear, I remember to let the doctor know or remind the doctor that my body does not tolerate prescriptions well.  At this time in my healing process, I am turning down all prescriptions.  After 12+ prescriptions in the last two years and multiple ER visits due to severe side effects, I'm done looking for answers in the mainstream medical community.

I've decided to seek out a naturopathic community to, at least, get a comprehensive evaluation of how my body is challenged as a whole.  My inner knowing tells me that there are toxins that I may have or still am exposed to that my chemical make-up is seriously effected by.  I also believe that it is possible to treat the many systems, in the body, as one system and not a slew of separate systems working independently of each other.  The internal organs, blood, brain, nervous system, etc. each have important jobs, not one more important than the other, but each specializing in an area that effects all other areas.  The body is a wonderful and intelligent community.

Maybe my body is mirroring my outer state of mind, not knowing the work I'm meant to do in the world. My inner systems may not remember or have a clear sense of their individual jobs and how to connect and create a healthy whole.  Is it possible that the heart has been misled into believing that it's only purpose is to beat and circulate blood to the rest of the body?  Now we are learning, through modern science, that the heart is working similarly to the brain.  It's even been called our second brain.  We've almost, been aware of this for as long as we've been using the phrase, "Listen to your heart." or "Follow your heart."  I think it's very possible that the systems in the body, each have more potential than we give them credit for.  One thing I do know, is they are suppose to be working together, efficiently coordinated and in harmony.  The music my body is playing is not pretty, although, I know it can be.

I have felt like cattle when going to mainstream medical doctors.  They are trained to listen to symptoms and based on a grouping of, sometimes, overlapping symptoms, diagnose and write prescriptions.  Often, one prescription's purpose is only to offset the side effects of another prescription.  The treatment is splintered and not cohesive.  I would hear, "next" by the nurse waiting at the door for the next patient in a line of many, shuffled into a cold, sterile feeling room for another waiting period.  The doctor would come in, check the stats the nurse took, listen to my heart and my breath.  Then would send me into flare by pushing all the tender points on my back, ask a couple of questions and send me on my way.  I understand that efficiency can be achieved by having a set routine for patient visits, but it can turn into a cookie cutter system that doesn't necessarily treat the patient effectively but still gets paid, well.

I am choosing to find an integral approach to healing my body.  This approach will also look at an important part that is often left out of the healing process and that's the soul.  As much as I believe that it is completely possible for a person to live in peace and harmony, I believe the body can as well.

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Clothing is Such a Pain

One of the aspects of fibromyalgia that hit me hard today, was how painful clothing can be.  This is something that I've found difficult to explain to doctors and others who don't have fibro.  For many of us, some days there's muscle or joint pain, some days there's headaches, some days our clothing hurts and most days it's a random combination of any of these.  It's easier to help people relate to the muscle pain because it can be very similar to a strain or exercising to the point where walking down steps is a stabbing agony.  Similarly, describing joint pain can be related to a sensation that many people have experienced.  When it comes to explaining the pain of seams, elastics, buttons or just a fabric rubbing against the skin as painful, I get blank stares.

Today started with an immediate discomfort from the collar on my t-shirt.  It was just a simple round neck t-shirt that I quickly threw on, to go for a walk.  As soon as it touched the front of my neck, I felt the pressure.  It was loose fitting, but just the fabric, gently sitting at the front of my neck, began to trigger the signals to the brain saying, "too tight!".  I've been at this long enough to know that if I didn't change into a v-neck shirt, I'd land myself into bed with a migraine.  I'm pretty sure my husband has gotten use to me jumping into my jeans in the morning and within seconds tearing them off to grab the leggings in the drawer.  He probably thinks it's a fickle girl thing, but nope, it's a pain thing.  I usually wear the basic round neck t-shirt to exercise, because that's what I have, and it doesn't bother me.  Every day is different and I've learned to pay attention, listen and respond to what my body is trying to tell me.

After exercise, it was the sneakers that were boring into the soles of my feet.  I still haven't figured out how a flat surface can feel as though it's drilling a hole into the bottom of my feet, but I can tell you it's torture.  So, those babies got yanked off and put away.  Then it was the seatbelt in the car.  Every turn or bump we went over, the seatbelt would saw just a little deeper into my skin.

I woke up this morning with a plan.  There was one thing I needed to do, and that was to get to my doctor's appointment, and one thing I wanted to do and that was to clean off the dining room table.   Often when I have a day that starts out the way this one did, I continue to adjust, listen and adjust again as quickly as possible so I can avoid a full blown flare.  It didn't seem as though it was too much to expect for the day and I would pace myself.  It's still hard to release, let go and accept that my body is needing some big, roomy clothes and a tempurpedic mattress.  Today the big roomy clothes and bed is where I landed and the dining room table is still cluttered.  I guess I'll save that for another day.

There's a level of stir crazy that I hit when I've been gentle with my body, staying still and listening for days on end.  I have an active spirit and when the brain fog lightens up, an active mind.  So, I push the boundaries at times, hoping that one day I'll just 'mind over matter' the chronic illness and will myself into health.  As much as I do believe that there is a cure for this chronic pain and illness, I also believe that it starts with awareness, inner healing and treatments that look at the body, mind and soul as a whole.  There needs to be a rebalancing of all the working systems of the body.

Gotta go, the wrinkles in this sheet, on the bed, are killing me.

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