Off-Roading

The road I'm meant to be on is becoming more and more clear to me every day.  I know I'm on the right path, or road, when everything flows.  I feel a resonance within.  My relationships are ignited with conversation and a high level of quality.  I feel at peace with myself and the events happening in my life.  It doesn't matter what the events are.  I am able to observe the ebb and flow of life with a foundation of joy.  Even events that I've defined as stressful or down right traumatic are now defined as interesting opportunities for growth.

Off-Roading is another story.  I usually find myself off-roading once I've been going in the wrong direction for a bit.  Have you ever had the experience of driving someplace new, you unknowingly miss the exit you needed to take and you don't realize it until three or four exits later.  I've even looked at the exit numbers and thought that the numbers were counting down when they were actually going up.  This is a great example of my state of denial.  Of course I didn't miss the exit, the exit numbers are numbered incorrectly.

My first indication of being off road, is when my moods become more challenging.  My daily routines
feel more taxing and I'm just plain old unhappy.  Another way to describe it is that I become uneasy or I have dis-ease.  It is impossible to feel resonance inside when there is dis-ease.  The lack of ease blocks the flow and throws us off course even more.  I can sometimes go as far as getting angry at my discovery of off-roading, knowing that I am aware of the difference between being on my path and off-roading.  As if knowing the difference will automatically keep me from ever doing it again.

As frustrating as this may be, there is a blessing to off-roading.  Having the awareness of the difference between being on the right path and off-roading is important.  When we notice we are off course...and it doesn't matter how far off course we feel we are, we just self correct.  How exactly do we do that?  Well, I'll tell you.  First think back to when you were on course, things were going well and there was an ease to each moment.  What were you doing and how were you feeling?  Most of us have self-care routines and we can stay on course as long as our routines are in place.  For example, I exercise every morning and if I miss a day or two, I find myself a bit out of sorts.  If I go back to the basics of my self care routine, I create a U-turn and get back on my path.  Constant self correction is a good thing.  Our inner GPS will alert us if we go off course and if we pay attention, we can 'recalculate'.  If we ignore the alerts we'll be way off course.  Expect that self correction will be something we will do for as long as we are evolving, so be patient, compassionate and kind to yourself through it all.  There is no need to get hard on yourself or punish yourself, just recalculate and get back on course.

If we didn't have the experience of feeling uneasy when we go off course, we wouldn't have the opportunity to correct our direction and get back on our path.  In other words, years from now, we'd be very unhappy to find ourselves in Alaska when we were shooting for Hawaii.  Or...at least I would.  I don't like the cold.


Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri

Clothing is Such a Pain

One of the aspects of fibromyalgia that hit me hard today, was how painful clothing can be.  This is something that I've found difficult to explain to doctors and others who don't have fibro.  For many of us, some days there's muscle or joint pain, some days there's headaches, some days our clothing hurts and most days it's a random combination of any of these.  It's easier to help people relate to the muscle pain because it can be very similar to a strain or exercising to the point where walking down steps is a stabbing agony.  Similarly, describing joint pain can be related to a sensation that many people have experienced.  When it comes to explaining the pain of seams, elastics, buttons or just a fabric rubbing against the skin as painful, I get blank stares.

Today started with an immediate discomfort from the collar on my t-shirt.  It was just a simple round neck t-shirt that I quickly threw on, to go for a walk.  As soon as it touched the front of my neck, I felt the pressure.  It was loose fitting, but just the fabric, gently sitting at the front of my neck, began to trigger the signals to the brain saying, "too tight!".  I've been at this long enough to know that if I didn't change into a v-neck shirt, I'd land myself into bed with a migraine.  I'm pretty sure my husband has gotten use to me jumping into my jeans in the morning and within seconds tearing them off to grab the leggings in the drawer.  He probably thinks it's a fickle girl thing, but nope, it's a pain thing.  I usually wear the basic round neck t-shirt to exercise, because that's what I have, and it doesn't bother me.  Every day is different and I've learned to pay attention, listen and respond to what my body is trying to tell me.

After exercise, it was the sneakers that were boring into the soles of my feet.  I still haven't figured out how a flat surface can feel as though it's drilling a hole into the bottom of my feet, but I can tell you it's torture.  So, those babies got yanked off and put away.  Then it was the seatbelt in the car.  Every turn or bump we went over, the seatbelt would saw just a little deeper into my skin.

I woke up this morning with a plan.  There was one thing I needed to do, and that was to get to my doctor's appointment, and one thing I wanted to do and that was to clean off the dining room table.   Often when I have a day that starts out the way this one did, I continue to adjust, listen and adjust again as quickly as possible so I can avoid a full blown flare.  It didn't seem as though it was too much to expect for the day and I would pace myself.  It's still hard to release, let go and accept that my body is needing some big, roomy clothes and a tempurpedic mattress.  Today the big roomy clothes and bed is where I landed and the dining room table is still cluttered.  I guess I'll save that for another day.

There's a level of stir crazy that I hit when I've been gentle with my body, staying still and listening for days on end.  I have an active spirit and when the brain fog lightens up, an active mind.  So, I push the boundaries at times, hoping that one day I'll just 'mind over matter' the chronic illness and will myself into health.  As much as I do believe that there is a cure for this chronic pain and illness, I also believe that it starts with awareness, inner healing and treatments that look at the body, mind and soul as a whole.  There needs to be a rebalancing of all the working systems of the body.

Gotta go, the wrinkles in this sheet, on the bed, are killing me.

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