Whacked by a Canoe Paddle

It seems as though the increasing lack of sun, this time of year, has a huge effect on me.  Now, I know my family members who are reading this are saying, "ya think?!".  Maybe I see it more clearly because I'm more mature and last year, I was able to recognize the peeps who truly support me.  Having that support has made a world of difference because I can trust that when I'm having a tough day, they'll be honest with me and they know who I really am.  They know that my struggle is not who I am and that I need a bit more of their support through the bumps in the road.

I've experienced some wonderful progress with my health and I'm incredibly grateful that I never gave up hope.  I had a choice.  I could have continued to be put down, no believed, and be taking prescription drugs with all the side effects.  With that choice I'd probably be laying in bed 6-7 days a week needing my family to make me meals, manage my pills and lose all my independence.  Come to think of it, if I had continued with the recommendations of mainstream medicine, I'd have a nifty colostomy bag to be changed on a regular basis too.

My other choice could have been to stop seeing any doctor and stop my search for a healthy life.  If I had gone down that road, there's a chance I'd be in a padded room with locked doors and a purse for my colostomy bag called fido.  I'd also have severe pain all over my body and a wheelchair.

I chose to hold onto hope, searching for someone or a group to guide me toward a healthy life.  I'm now fibro-flare free, my trigger points have calmed down, my digestion is improving and I recently had enough stamina to have four 'normal' days in a row.  Each day, I was able to get up, make breakfasts, lunches, drive the kids to school, housework, paperwork, cook lunch, cook dinner, enjoy my family and not once did my body need to lay down.   This is a huge change from my body screaming at me every couple of hours to go lay down.  The fatigue and pain were so great it brought tears to my eyes.  The excitement bubbles up in me when I think about how I've found the road that leads me to a sustainable healthy life.

One area that needs some attention is how my body reacts to diminishing sunlight.  It's a good thing I don't live in those areas of the world that are dark for months.  I'd go bat bleep crazy! I've been feeling tugs of sadness here and there.  I notice and take note, but today, the waterworks began.  I know what this means because it's a pattern that accompanies the winter months.  Hand-in-hand like best friends frolicking through the fields…of cold and snow.  They seem to be very happy together but I feel
terrible.  My emotions go from upset to concerned to angry to sad to embarrassed to full-out ugly blubbering.  Sometimes all within an hour.  It's quite exhausting ta' boot!  Today has felt as though I got whacked by a canoe paddle, on an emotional level.

Have I mentioned my doctor?  The great Naturopathic doctor…Dr. Bier.  If I haven't said it in the bunch of posts prior, I have the best doctor.  He hears me, he listens, we're partners on my healing journey.  I saw him today and we are taking action with the winter blues pattern.  I am confident that this challenge will also be one that I can look back on and smile because of how much I grew and learned from it.

It's sometimes difficult to share the truth about chronic illness, but I think it is much more important to share the not-so-pretty parts to help people understand the hidden struggles we go through.  I also share to remind others with chronic illness that they are not alone and to remind myself and others to keep an eye out for the gifts.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri

I've Been Raving About This Doctor! Listen and Find Out Why.

Living&Thriving:Guest Dr Bier,Naturopathic & Acupuncturist 05/23 by Rustie | Lifestyle Podcasts

Dr. Bier's Website

Is Family Part of Your Wellness Plan?

There are many types of family.  There's the most obvious, the biological family.  Then the self-chosen family or the family who chose you to be family.  You may have a family of co-workers, a family of neighbors, a family of health professionals.  Or they could be considered part of your team.

Whoever you consider your family to be, are they part of your healing plan or your illness plan?  If there is a group of individuals who support you, cheer you on and see who you are beyond your illness(es), they would be considered your wellness team.  If you are surrounded by people who say they care and want the best for you, but they tell you how to feel, when to get better, that you're too sensitive or dramatic and maybe even treat you with pity, as if you are unable to do anything for yourself, they are on your illness team.

Look around.  Pay attention.  You deserve respect, love, comfort and caring.  You and only you truly know what helps you feel better and who you trust to be on your wellness team.  Not even medical professionals can tell you what will make you feel better.  They can tell you what research has shown helps the majority of those who were part of the research study, but those treatments or medications that work for some, don't work for others.  It's very important, through the healing process, to surround yourself with supporters and cheerleaders.  Put your valuable energy into people who remind you of your strengths and of who you truly are.  Chronic illness, over time, can make us feel as though we are defined by our illness.  The loving and compassionate people around you can tell you that you may be experiencing chronic illness, but you are not illness.  These are the people who will not hold you back and who want to see you healthy.

My advice...if you choose to take it...

Slowly back away from the people who are on your illness team!  They are not helping you heal.



Here's the small print.  Although, it's not any smaller print than what I typed above because I wouldn't be able to read it :)
     I'm not a medical professional and I'm not intending to tell anyone how to treat their illness.  Please consider your own personal circumstances to assess whether or not this advice resonates with you.  It may not be your best option.  For some it'll be an option to take action on.


Thank you for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!
Terri

Sleep...Is it Really You?

Dear Sleep,

I see you've decided to show your face again.  I have to be honest, I've been pretty upset with your behavior for quite some time now.  It took me a couple of weeks to have you back before I truly recognized you.  I'm sorry that I was so angry and I forgive you for not being around much lately.  I realize that my racing mind, thoughts and behaviors have contributed to preventing you from doing your job.  I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I am partially responsible for not respecting your needs so that you can call in Mr. Sandman every night.

I'm glad you're back and I'm feeling so much better since you unconditionally found your way back into my life.  Mr. Sandman looks the same to me and I embrace that familiar state each time he visits.

Oh....and my dreams have returned as well as my energy.  I wake up in the mornings with much less fatigue.  Thanks to you, I'm that much closer to sustainable health.

I am so grateful for you and I'll do my best to not take advantage of you again (except for the occasional late movie or evening party).  And just to let you know, my three teens and husband are all on board for allowing me to be with you as much as I need.  I'm assuming they've noticed the happier, healthier me and want to keep me that way :)

See you tonight!





Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!
Terri

The Crow's Nest

Summer time is always a time of transition for my family.  With three children, the daily schedule is laid back and flexible.  The structure of each week is different and the kids seem to be stretching themselves, literally and figuratively.  They grow so much in the three months of sun, water and fun.  One of my children has grown almost 4 inches since being out of school.  Also, they are at the age where independence is becoming more important as well as keeping their own personal sense of structure.  They've asked to plan their own time when it comes to getting things accomplished, including what's expected of them at home and time with their friends, iPods, video games, TV and listening to music.  Having three the same age, it was easiest for me to keep them on the same schedule but also keep in mind that they are individuals.  The last couple of Summers, they were able to choose a camp that they were most interested in.  One went to New York, the other to the Cape area in Massachusetts and the third was 20 minutes away from home.  This year, they didn't go in different directions for camp, but within the family and our household, they have gone in many different directions.  They are now taking on personal responsibility to ensure that they contribute to upkeep of the yard and house, their vacation school assignments, High School applications and social lives.

I'm now in a position to observe and guide from a distance instead of having two hands on the wheel of the ship.  I think they would be happy if I were in the crow's nest, looking ahead, across the seas to warn them, gently, of oncoming storms or obstacles.  My time for leading them is fading into gently guiding and supporting them as leaders.

I'm proud of them for asking for what they needed this Summer.  It's been a transition for me to take on a new role and not have the feelings of them not needing me anymore.  I see the maturity and the lessons being learned and remind them that I'm here if they need me.  I still poke my nose in at times when I don't realize they have it handled.  Then I get tossed that 'look' and I slowly back away with a smirk of "oh, did I say that out loud?  My bad."

As individuals, we have the opportunity to grow and learn constantly and as a family, the same applies. If we are aware and in tune with each other, we can go through transitions together, supporting and loving each other ever step of the way.

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Just Keep Moving...

My bed just wouldn't release me this morning.  I was so incredibly tired.  I felt stuck.  I'd wake up, groggy and close my eyes to get some more rest.  My body was heavy and weak.  I'd open my eyes and see 7:45, fall back to sleep, wake up and see 8:03, fall back to sleep, etc.

In my half wake, half sleep, I began to have these horrific dreams or thoughts.  I tried to shift my thoughts and think about what I'm grateful for, but the dream had a strong hold.  It was terrifying.  I was able to interrupt the streaming story line of horror to be conscious enough to know that I had to move.  I had to ground myself in the here and now.  I immediately sat up, firmly placed my feet on the floor and opened my eyes wide.  I could see that I was in my safe home and I could hear the sounds of all three of my children, confirming that they were all safe too.

I never know when the post traumatic stress disorder is going to rear it's ugly head.  I often feel I have things under control.  I avoid the news. I purposefully seek out movie reviews from friends to make sure it's something that won't trigger me. I know how to ground myself and be present.  It just doesn't seem like enough because I'm still haunted by memories of my childhood or fears about my children's safety.

Once I knew where I was and what was going on, I sipped some water and wept.  I didn't want to let the terror take over so I distracted myself by checking emails and FB, just trying to connect with the world I've created; a group of people and circumstances that are positive and forward moving.  I was having difficulty figuring out what to do next.  I was still stuck.  I literally felt as though I was unable to move from sitting on the edge of the bed to anyplace.  Then my husband came in and sat next to me.  He must have had some sort of sixth sense because he showed up at the perfect time.  I told him that I wasn't even out of bed yet, but I was already overwhelmed with the day ahead.  I'm not sure why I didn't tell him about the dream.  Maybe it was still too fresh.  Ray sat with me for a while, kissed me on the forehead and headed back to work.

His presence gave me the strength to just get up and move.  I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was doing, I just knew that sitting there, any longer, wasn't going to make things better.  I wondered if I should eat then shower, then get dressed, then go food shopping then make our juices.  Or should I go make breakfast for the kids, drink a juice, take a shower, get dressed, go shopping. I thought, maybe I should go out to exercise (in the rain), shower, drink my juice, make the phone calls that need to be made, go shopping.....AAAARRRRGG!! It was just too much! I chose to stand up and put my robe on.  I made one decision at a time.  I just kept moving.

My day progressed and I finally felt comfortable telling Ray why I was so out of sorts.  He is so compassionate and loving.  He kissed me and said he loves me and that everyone is safe and fine.  Ray drove me to go shopping and we spent the afternoon making the juices together.

I'm grateful for my loving husband.  I'm grateful that I have such wonderful triplets.  I'm grateful to have such supportive friends and family surrounding me.  I'm faithful that the PTSD and depression will subside and I'll experience life with ease and grace.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!