Thursday, February 6, 2014

Weather Forecast

My personal experience shows that New England and Fibromyalgia are not a great match.  A popular quote says, "If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a minute."

I've heard many people with fibromyalgia talk about how it seems as thought the biometric pressure has an impact on pain and stiffness.  I also wonder if it has an impact on emotions.  Could the change in air pressure be squishing our brains.  Would this explain brain fog?  I'm hoping wacky theories may inspire some researchers to find some answers for us.

This Winter, in particular, I've noticed that a few days before a big storm, I begin to experience a headache.  The pressure in my head increases as the storm approaches and the day before, I become irritable and my thinking becomes fuzzy.  The day of these storms, my brain is completely on the fritz and depression kicks in.  A thought will begin and just as quickly leave a blank space.  In the middle of sentences, I forget what I was saying and words become jumbled.  Is there a word for dyslexia of speech?  I also notice that reading is useless.  I understand the individual words as I read them but a sentence means nothing.  Imagine trying to make sense of a storyline with a sentence like, "Josephine blah de blah happily do re with blah me fa." I think it's only human to experience extreme frustration, confusion and disappointment when we know we are so incredible capable of functioning in the world…most of the time.

I've wondered if it would be easier if I had brain fog all the time.  I would have the opportunity to accept what is and learn how to live my life within the parameters of the fog.  I've had extended foggy times lasting 3 or more months.  During that time period, I went through the stages of grief and came around to accepting the condition and learning how to function in the world then the fog lifted.  I could see clearly, speak full sentences and even go out to tend to my garden without forgetting why I was suddenly standing in the middle of the yard.  I was overjoyed about feeling like myself again.  My brain felt as though it had been reattached giving me the desire to shout, "I'M ALIVE!" followed by a maniacal laugh.  The extremes of living with a brain and no brain, sight and no sight, mobility and no mobility are a huge challenge.  I think it would be an easier road acclimating to different abilities than having functionality come and go seemingly randomly.

Of course, through all of this analysis, my spiritual beliefs emerge.  I do believe that the ups and downs of the fibro roller coaster are a part of my life for a reason.  I'm learning so much about myself and how the world works.  I'm given the opportunity to learn resilience…often.  Not only is resilience useful in an ever changing world, it also opens a door to focusing on what is truly important in my life.  I've learned that even though I feel more like myself when my faculties are functioning at a high level, the aptness of my body is not who I am.  One thing that is important in my life is opening up to the true me.  I'm defined by my heart and soul and how I show up in the world, not by my physical or mental abilities.  Redefining who I am is my growing edge.  It's easy to see what I'm not and I'm on a mission to begin uncovering who I am.

We all have a process we're going through in life.  Some see the process as a fight or struggle and some see it as an opportunity.  Most of us can see both sides of the coin but if we begin to put more focus on the opportunity than the struggle, we'll see many more blessings for us in the process.  Remember, blessings are not a reward we get at the end.  Blessings are a byproduct of our willingness to wake up.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!