Saturday, September 28, 2013

Perfect Example...Must See

This post is a follow-up to my post, Where you are is exactly where you're meant to be.

I know I just posted my blog for today, but I just had to share this amazing video.  An amazing girl with a disability and her older loving brother...

Please Watch.  Oh, and have a tissue close by :)

Where You are is Exactly Where You're Meant to Be!

There is so much judgement in the world.  Too much if you ask me.  We are brought up with rules and expectations.  For example; it is expected that we will succeed and in that sense, it means that we will have a great job, make lots of money and be everything to everyone.  And I can't forget how important it is to not be chronically ill or become very sick.  Did you know that sickness is looked at as a weakness?  Of course you knew that!  Did you know that it's not the truth?  If sickness were thought of as a weakness, it would translate into every ill person being weak.

I see it differently!  The ill must have courage.  Those with chronic disease must find meaning in alternative places.  The physically challenged are forced to function in this world in unique ways.

I see that in our evolutionary time, everyone has challenges.  They may be physical, financial, social, spiritual, etc. but why?  Why does it seem as though there is more struggle in the world now, in 2013?  Could it be because we each must learn our own way of functioning in this ever changing world?  Challenge creates an opportunity to grow.  Without the challenge, and some mystics call it suffering, we may not be motivated to grow and change to make ourselves and the world a better place.

Once we acknowledge that there is a reason for our challenge and we embrace the opportunity to be
better, the feeling of suffering will lift.  The challenge may not go away, but with new perspective, our true gifts will emerge.  Each and every one of us has a very unique gift to cultivate within.  We have a responsibility to find it, learn about it, explore it and then...share it with the world!  We need every soul on this planet to go within and be amazed at what is there.  Energy flows and excitement grows.  Remember the feeling you had as a child, when you rode a bicycle for the first time, or you completed your first science project or maybe your first kiss.  When we uncover our unique gifts, it feels better than all those things put together.

Embrace where you are now.  If it weren't for this place, you wouldn't be able to get to the next. The way we embrace the challenges is with self kindness and nurturing.  It's ok, it's not selfish, it's self-love and that's a good thing!

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Monday, September 23, 2013

A Frank Conversation With Myself

This is a conversation I've had to have with myself on many occasions throughout my life.  When I just can't take my behavior anymore, I sit myself down and ask the difficult questions.  The last time I did this, it was about my state of health.

Me:  Are you happy?

Myself:  No, I'm sick and I feel broken.

Me:  Do you want to get better?

Myself:  Yes, but..

Me: No buts!  Let's focus on the 'yes'

Myself:  It might not be possible for me to get better.  No one I know has healed Fibromyalgia and on top of it, I have tons of other things wrong with my body.  Plus, in order to heal, I'd need energy and I have none.  It feels hopeless.

Me:  Do you want to get better?

Myself:  Yes

Me:  I can't hear you....

Myself: Really, are you going to make me shout it?

Me:  Yes :D

Myself:  YES!!

Me:  Then you must believe that you can be healed.  So what if you don't know anyone who's been cured of Fibro before.  Maybe that's your path in show others that it's possible and that there's hope.  It's not like you've never been a trail blazer before...think back at the numerous times in your life when you had a desire that seemed unreachable, there were no role models or maps to get your there and who got you there?

Myself:  Me.

Me:  That's right.  All those times were preparing you for this.  You needed to practice courage, creating a path that worked and taking some massive action.  Can you think of a challenge you may have had, with any of those past desires that you turned into successes?

Myself:  Uhmmmm....well...not really.  It just happened.  I had a deep desire and I made it happen.

Me:  What do you mean by, "I made it happen?"

Myself:  Well, I got this level of intensity where I wouldn't let anyone or anything get in my way.  It kind of felt as though I forced the issue, pushing so hard and sometimes got angry.  Now that I think back, my actions and intensity may have been misunderstood as aggressive by some.  It was the attitude of I want it and I want it now.

Me:  Is this the way you would want to achieve good health?

Myself:  Wow, when you put it that way, the high level of intensity seems to be the opposite of good health.  The feeling I had when I felt as though I was fighting against everyone and everything to get what I desired.....oh, not a good feeling.  I never intended to fight against anyone to get things.

Me:  Do you think there's another way?

Myself:  There must be! I've had enough life experience to realize that I don't need to fight my way through to get my desires met. Once I think about the desire and relate it to positive emotion and feelings, it flows to me.  Whether I get intense or insistent, doesn't determine the outcome.  It's the joy and peace around the desire that draws it to me.  That must mean that as long as there is a thought of a desire, connecting the desire to positive emotion and taking peaceful action, I can eliminate the pushy intensity.  

Have you ever had a conversation, with yourself, that looked a bit like this?

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

A Gift of Non-Attachment

I consider my current understanding on non-attachment a gift of Fibromyalgia.  I was given the opportunity to release any connection of who I am from what I do.  I worked really hard, for many years to be able to boast about my four successful businesses and I held my status of a single mom with triplets as a badge of honor.  Well, who wouldn't with many commenting, "How do you do it?" (like I was some superhero). There were times my over developed ego would hang that plaque of pride and my under utilized essence would quiver at the immaturity of my human state.  There was a time when I was angry at Fibro for robbing me of those titles.  I morned the loss of what I thought was my identity.  I realized that the pain of  loss was because I was so attached to the idea that these things defined me and if they didn't exist, I wouldn't either.  Well...I'm still here.

I had an earlier lesson around non-attachment that stands out for me.  My yoga studio was going bankrupt and I was in a panic.  My attorney suggested that no judge would allow me to continue with my current car payment if I had no income and I totally freaked out in his office.  It went something like this...WHAT?!...I CAN'T GET RID OF MY BLEEPIN' CAR!  I HAVE TRIPLETS WHO ARE TODDLERS! HOW THE BLEEP DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THEM TO DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS?! WHAT IF THERE'S A BLEEPIN' EMERGENCY? THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING UP MY BLEEPIN' CAR!!!!! Then I promptly left because I was so embarrassed by my behavior and, umm... language.

About a week later, I had an interesting dream.  In my dream, I was dreaming that I woke up and walked out of my bedroom and saw something out the window.  There were two men in dark blue jumpsuits walking around my car.  I panicked, went back to my bedroom to throw on a bathrobe and when I returned, the men were gone and so was my car.  When I woke up...for real, my car was right where I parked it.  This was one of those dreams that I've become accustomed to, so I payed close attention.  I knew that I had a choice.  Either I have control of when and how I release my car or a judge orders it be taken at some unknown time or place.  I had no idea how the system worked, so of course my mind went to the most unpleasant experience.  What if I were out with my children and the car was impounded from a parking lot.  I allowed myself to release my very strong attachment to the car and returned to to the dealership.  I had no plan for transportation but I did have faith that all would be fine.  Some amazing gifts came from this practice of non-attachment including a free automobile coming into our lives about a year and a half after I gave mine back.  Just to let you know, I lived in a town that has only intermittent town buses.  Transportation was tricky at times but it taught me a great deal about prioritizing travel.

Living a life of non-attachment has opened my heart and soul to what is truly important.  I am not defined by Fibro or my degree or the businesses I created or even by being a mom to triplets.  I am defined by the gifts I have to share with the world.  I'm me.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Saturday, September 21, 2013


The road I'm meant to be on is becoming more and more clear to me every day.  I know I'm on the right path, or road, when everything flows.  I feel a resonance within.  My relationships are ignited with conversation and a high level of quality.  I feel at peace with myself and the events happening in my life.  It doesn't matter what the events are.  I am able to observe the ebb and flow of life with a foundation of joy.  Even events that I've defined as stressful or down right traumatic are now defined as interesting opportunities for growth.

Off-Roading is another story.  I usually find myself off-roading once I've been going in the wrong direction for a bit.  Have you ever had the experience of driving someplace new, you unknowingly miss the exit you needed to take and you don't realize it until three or four exits later.  I've even looked at the exit numbers and thought that the numbers were counting down when they were actually going up.  This is a great example of my state of denial.  Of course I didn't miss the exit, the exit numbers are numbered incorrectly.

My first indication of being off road, is when my moods become more challenging.  My daily routines
feel more taxing and I'm just plain old unhappy.  Another way to describe it is that I become uneasy or I have dis-ease.  It is impossible to feel resonance inside when there is dis-ease.  The lack of ease blocks the flow and throws us off course even more.  I can sometimes go as far as getting angry at my discovery of off-roading, knowing that I am aware of the difference between being on my path and off-roading.  As if knowing the difference will automatically keep me from ever doing it again.

As frustrating as this may be, there is a blessing to off-roading.  Having the awareness of the difference between being on the right path and off-roading is important.  When we notice we are off course...and it doesn't matter how far off course we feel we are, we just self correct.  How exactly do we do that?  Well, I'll tell you.  First think back to when you were on course, things were going well and there was an ease to each moment.  What were you doing and how were you feeling?  Most of us have self-care routines and we can stay on course as long as our routines are in place.  For example, I exercise every morning and if I miss a day or two, I find myself a bit out of sorts.  If I go back to the basics of my self care routine, I create a U-turn and get back on my path.  Constant self correction is a good thing.  Our inner GPS will alert us if we go off course and if we pay attention, we can 'recalculate'.  If we ignore the alerts we'll be way off course.  Expect that self correction will be something we will do for as long as we are evolving, so be patient, compassionate and kind to yourself through it all.  There is no need to get hard on yourself or punish yourself, just recalculate and get back on course.

If we didn't have the experience of feeling uneasy when we go off course, we wouldn't have the opportunity to correct our direction and get back on our path.  In other words, years from now, we'd be very unhappy to find ourselves in Alaska when we were shooting for Hawaii. least I would.  I don't like the cold.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I Motion to Make a Change

I motion to eliminate the phrase, "Fake it till you make it."  I've heard this phrase for many years and even though I didn't, personally, like the phrase, I tried to use it.  Why not?  I thought maybe there was something to it that I wouldn't understand until I tried.  My understanding is that if you can go through the motions of being the person you want to be, eventually you are the person you want to be.  It is possible that had a much too simplistic view of this phrase, but maybe not.  My experience 'faking it' felt like I was an imitation and not the real deal.  It didn't resonate with me and made me incredibly uncomfortable.

So here's the dilemma I bumped up against.  As you all know I manage my share of chronic illnesses.  I thought, maybe if I just fake that I'm well, I'll eventually be well.  I went through the motions of smiling and pretending that I didn't have pain.  I cooked for my family and on days when my chronic fatigue was heightened, I would stay out of bed, dressed for the day and find things to do.  By the end of the day, I was toast.  And I mean crispy burnt toast that is just not appealing.  There was no life left in me. So, I would go to bed (thinking that with the day of activity, I should sleep really well), wake up the next morning and will myself to do the same thing.  I continued for about two months, faking it and I sure as hell didn't make it.  I was worse off than I was when I started and really mad that it didn't work. I blamed myself.  Maybe I didn't do it right.  Maybe I missed a piece of the healthy puzzle and that one piece messed up the process.  Then I remembered that the concept of, "fake it till you make it" never felt good to me.  Ah Ha!  That technique is not for me.  It may be for others, but I new before even trying it that it wasn't for me.  Every day I learn more and more how to listen to my gut.

With some meditations and thoughts on how I accomplished something new, in my past, I remembered that acceptance of where I am is my first step.  Embracing the current state is important because with discourse around where we are now, a block is created.  The discourse can be the motivator to move into a different state, but being upset or angry about he current state will block the energy to change things.

I decided to make friends with my illness.  I have kind names for parts of my body that are challenged and I do forgiveness work around the illness.  This is how I've found peace (most of the time) with what my body is experiencing.  I'm also working on non-attachment to the end result.  If I am dead set on a specific state of health I need to be in, to consider myself healthy, and it doesn't go that way, exactly, it'll cause disappointment.  Having no attachment to the end result, creates less stress and no expectation.  I'm going to be and do for today, not for some expected tomorrow.  I want to live in peace and joy now and I want to live authentically.

Since I motioned to eliminate the phrase, "Fake it till you Make it", I feel it's important to replace it with something that may be more helpful.  I'm going to try, "Practice the new every day with no attachment to the end result".  What we must remember is that as long as we are practicing this new state everyday, we will eventually master it.  In the end, it may look exactly like you had imagined and maybe it won't. Either way, we'll be in a better place than we were before.

Will you join me?  Just, "Practice the New Every Day with Non-Attachment".

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I'm Dancing With My Health

What a great August in New England!  My energy was flowing with some to spare.  My sleep was good and my pain levels were down.  I was impressed with my stable moods and pleasant demeanor...inside and out.  You know, that inside demeanor can really make a difference.

When September came along, the weather got cooler and I continued with my normal routine.  There were a couple of changes...big ones...with the kids going back to school and my husband's mom needing more care but it was going well.  About a week ago, I was having a conversation with my husband about how September is a month of transitions and that every year, I prepare myself for the changes.  At the time, he was a bit blown away by the upset apple cart.  The triplets were adjusting to a new grade, more homework and the most important decision...what sport to do.  With all the hustle and bustle, I was calm and cool, centered and focused through most of it.

Yesterday was another story.  I was feeling off.  I felt more tired than I've been in a while, much more irritable and my inner demeanor was getting meaner.  From past experience, I know this is usually a sign of a fibro flare coming on.  This morning I had trouble getting out of bed.  It felt as though I didn't get a wink of sleep.  After the kids got on the bus, I went back to bed (moment of gratitude for the ability to go back to bed) and slept for another two hours.  Eleven hours of sleep and I still felt like a zombie.  I've been going over and over my routine to see if I've gotten away from an important aspect of my healing routine and besides my birthday celebration last Saturday (a little cake and a glass of wine), I'm on track.  Is it the change in weather, the increased stress that I'm managing well or maybe that this is my peak allergy season?  I may not ever know.

What I do know is that I'm blessed to have had such a healthful Summer and that I have a wonderful new doctor.  I also know that these challenging days or weeks will creep in until my body is completely healed.  It may take a short time or a long time to nurse my body, mind and soul back to full health and that's okay with me.

I'll step left when I need to step left and step right with the change in weather or song.  I'll do the dosie do and turn myself around during the healing process.  Listening to my body and my intuition is important so I can do the dance steps that flow with this process.  If I'm taking misstep, there's tension and resistance to the direction I'm meant to go.  Each day I learn a new step to this dance with my health.

Now to find a way to ease the mean in my inner demeanor.  More self love will be my first step there.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Monday, September 16, 2013

I'm Here But You Want Me There

It feels as though you don't see that I'm growing and moving forward.  There always seems to be this expectation that I'm going to be Super Woman and do it all.  I know that I'm capable of much more than I'm doing now, but what is wrong with just being?  The process of doing all the time and meeting the high levels of expectations feels so forced and is incredibly exhausting.

Just so we're clear, let me go over the difference between doing and being.  It's not that doing is productive and being is lazy.  That's a big misconception!

I was a Doing Mom.  I was the only parent to my triplets for many years and my doing consisted of; getting my kids into the best school possible, cooking almost every meal, cleaning all the time, making sure weekends were productive and fun for the kids, doing a few things so I could rejuvenate during stressful times, wash dry and fold laundry on a regular basis, have the perfect bag of snacks and things in the car at all times, etc.  What I began to ask myself, when it got to be too much for one person, was am I doing all of this because it's expected or because its necessary.  My answer was shocking.  It was a resounding, because it's expected.  I had the image of what a Mom's role is and there was no questioning that I had the Beaver Cleaver family expectation.  Clean house, well behaved kids, smiles on the outside, blahda, blahda, blahda.  I wondered what I could cut back on and still provide a happy and loving home for my kids.

I'm now a Being Mom...or working on the concept anyway.  I find joy in food shopping for my family, so I do all the food shopping.  I have terrible pain when I try to wash dishes, so my family (husband and three kids) rotate evening dish washing.  Oh, and as a family, we realized that having a crystal clean sink all the time was not a necessity.  Washing dishes once a day worked for everyone at home, and it's more enjoyable to do it once than multiple times a day.  I'm not sure where the concept of 'clean enough to eat off the floor' came from, but we really don't need to eat off the floor.  We have a perfectly good table.  Once we figured that out, the floor gets cleaned once a week instead of every day.  Also, I realized that hugging my kids every day and telling them that I love them, even when they're annoyed with me, actually has a longer sustainable life than a gazillion presents under the Christmas Tree.

Maybe the deeper difference between doing and being is that doing is mindless and being is mindful.  I don't need to do more, make more money, acquire more things, be the most popular in the PTA (I'm not actually in the PTA, but you know what I mean) and keep moving just to keep moving.  I like to stay still and sit.  I even like it when its quiet.  I enjoy smelling the roses and watching my children be curious about the world around them.  I love sitting in my room and hearing my family, in the next room, laughing and playing (many times my husband starts it).

So, I hope you understand.  I'm going to ask you not to 'should' all over me anymore.  I know what my priorities are and they may be very different than yours.  That's what makes us unique.  If I look like I'm not doing anything.  It's probably because I'm being.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Sadness in Her Eyes

It looks like hurt
We know it's not

These emotions 
she has fought

It's sadness
She tries to hide

She doesn't know
We're on her side

Tell her we love her
Remind her we're here

Spreading her wings
But there's so much fear

Pull us close
Push us away

Practicing independence
Avoiding the fray 

In all good time
You can fly, my Dear

You have all the tools
That's clear

Take your time
There's plenty to spare

Please don't forget
We love you, we care!

 Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Is Family Part of Your Wellness Plan?

There are many types of family.  There's the most obvious, the biological family.  Then the self-chosen family or the family who chose you to be family.  You may have a family of co-workers, a family of neighbors, a family of health professionals.  Or they could be considered part of your team.

Whoever you consider your family to be, are they part of your healing plan or your illness plan?  If there is a group of individuals who support you, cheer you on and see who you are beyond your illness(es), they would be considered your wellness team.  If you are surrounded by people who say they care and want the best for you, but they tell you how to feel, when to get better, that you're too sensitive or dramatic and maybe even treat you with pity, as if you are unable to do anything for yourself, they are on your illness team.

Look around.  Pay attention.  You deserve respect, love, comfort and caring.  You and only you truly know what helps you feel better and who you trust to be on your wellness team.  Not even medical professionals can tell you what will make you feel better.  They can tell you what research has shown helps the majority of those who were part of the research study, but those treatments or medications that work for some, don't work for others.  It's very important, through the healing process, to surround yourself with supporters and cheerleaders.  Put your valuable energy into people who remind you of your strengths and of who you truly are.  Chronic illness, over time, can make us feel as though we are defined by our illness.  The loving and compassionate people around you can tell you that you may be experiencing chronic illness, but you are not illness.  These are the people who will not hold you back and who want to see you healthy.

My advice...if you choose to take it...

Slowly back away from the people who are on your illness team!  They are not helping you heal.

Here's the small print.  Although, it's not any smaller print than what I typed above because I wouldn't be able to read it :)
     I'm not a medical professional and I'm not intending to tell anyone how to treat their illness.  Please consider your own personal circumstances to assess whether or not this advice resonates with you.  It may not be your best option.  For some it'll be an option to take action on.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Different Way to Look at It

It occurred to me that we often hit a difficult time in life and struggle.  Do we need to actually struggle? I don't believe so.  If we look at our history, each time humanity has leapt to a new way of living, there was struggle that catapulted us to having no choice but to change.  On a smaller and more personal scale, we each go through tough times that change us.  When we resist during these challenging times, there's a feeling of suffering.

What if?

What if we could keep in mind the big picture.  Could we change the way we experience challenges?  We could be in the midst of challenge and keep in mind that times of change have been struggles in the past, but have turned out to be some of the best learning experiences. With this awareness, we could turn the experience from pain and suffering to gratitude for the opportunity to evolve.

Some things just make ya' go Hmmmm......

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Monday, September 9, 2013

HEY! Where'd I Go?

It feels like, all of a sudden, I'm feeling ill again.  I know it's not 'all of a sudden'.  When I think back to see what got me to this place, I know that I haven't stuck to my healthy living plan.

The first couple of weeks before school begins and after school starts (I just realized that's a full month), are constant transition.  I feel I did well with sticking to my health plan for the first two weeks then...everything went *kaplooey*.  Here's a play-by-play of what I think happened...

new daily schedule for the kids, new daily schedule for my husband, which creates a new daily schedule for me, sports sign-ups, school paperwork X 3, busier kids, busier husband, increased need for Mom's taxi service, death in the family, old hurts surfacing, new and exciting class at my spiritual center, more homework than ever before, mind numbing electronics getting in the way of responsibilities, Mother-in Law in the hospital, managing MIL bills, banking, mail, apartment.  family wedding out of town, the kids and I were hired to be extras on a movie shoot...till midnight, less sleep, good stress and bad stress effecting sleep and digestion, adjusting to faster pace, colder weather (this is a tough one for me) and less sun, blah da blah da blah da.

I didn't do a very good job of keeping my sleep schedule consistent, especially the evening of the movie shoot. (but, but...that was fun).  My eating was not on track.  The foods were but the timing was off and the amount of food decreased and my supplements were missed at times.

....And I wonder why I'm not feeling like myself...

I hadn't reached my 100% (I will), but I was heading toward a 30% ish increase in energy, focus and less pain.  That's not too bad for starting at 0, and working with this new healthy living plan for about 6 weeks.

My self care got off track through the weekend and this is only one day of feeling like I hit that 0 energy.  Today there were things I wanted to do but I made a promise, to myself, that I'd stay in bed, eat right, sleep and take the supplements on routine.  Tomorrow, I'll ease myself back to doing a few things, although I totally want to jump into a full day of productivity.  I know what my body needs, I just need to keep re-calculating to stay on track.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

My Wish For You

I've been very inspired this week by a song I was introduced to.  My childrens' friend mentioned this song while I was being taxi for the teens.  Brave by Sara Bareilles.  Today I watched the video for the first time and I love it.  It's a bit quirky like me :)

Take a look...

My wish for you is to be brave.  Everyone we meet is in the midst of some life challenge.  You are not the only one.  Lets try saying what we wanna' say and be who we wanna' be.  Don't be afraid of other people's judgements or perceptions of you or your life.  At least you are putting your energy into growing personally.  Those outside of us who have an opinion about us, are avoiding putting their energy into growing personally.  They are not being brave by looking outside themselves.  It takes authentic courage to look at ourselves and be honest about the areas that need improvement.  Everyone has areas that need improvement, even those who look like they have it all together!

Be brave
Be you
Be authentic
Be goofy
Be open
Be honest
Be compassionate
Be confident
Be loving

You'll be very impressed with the consequences of your courage!

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Healing More Than I Expected

Over the last seven years, my body has deteriorated with pain and fatigue.  Over this time, I did my best to get better by eating better, exercising, resting when I needed to (or when I had no choice).  Still more physical ailments surfaced; thyroid issues, pituitary adenoma, pancreatic cyst, an intolerance to prescription medications and the list goes on.  It felt as though the layers were multiplying and the load was getting heavier and heavier.  All I wanted to do was shout


I would have done just about anything to find some relief.  I tried so many alternative options, numerous doctors and specialists.  As is my nature...I fought on, becoming more and more drained to the point of not being able to cook meals for my family. Last Winter was a breaking point.  I had nothing left.  According to my Naturopathic doctor, I had negative left.  I had been borrowing energy from my organs in order to keep pushing along.  I almost gave up.  

Surrender...what a beautifully misunderstood word.  I did not will my surrender.  It was laid upon me by grace.  I let go of the notion that my life should and must be different than it was in that moment.  I said, OKAY to the pain, sadness, fatigue and fight.  I had nothing more to fight with and I just wanted peace.  While making peace with the current state of my health, I met Dr. Bier and a few other medical professionals who were not like the rest.  They gave me permission to listen to my intuition.  They told me that if exercise helped, to keep doing it.  Funny thing is, once I got the support around running, I walked.  I had nothing to prove to anyone...not even myself.  

I've opened to the power of Grace as a means to heal and WOW, I'm seeing much more than I expected.  My thoughts and intentions have been about the fibromyalgia.  I'm seeing my past hurts, disappointments, decisions, and emotional pain show themselves.  They need peace too.  

The more I wake up, the more I realize my eyes are not open yet.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Hello Self

I'm feeling better every day.  There are still ups and downs with Fibro challenges, but the shifts aren't as devastating as they've been for the last few years.  I'm still cautious that a big flare is right around the corner...because that's what I'm use to....but I'm grateful for the last month of more energy and less pain.

I feel as though I'm seeing an old friend for the first time in years.  It's me...yeah, ME!  I spent the day with me.  The fog has lifted and the sun is shining.  A cup of tea, a journal and a grateful heart.

Please excuse my lack of words.  Can you think of a time when you saw a long time friend for the first time after many years.  Did you just want to hug them and not let them go?  That's how today has felt.  I know it sounds kind of weird, and that's okay.  It's a wonderful thing!

Have you given yourself a hug today?

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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Sleep...Is it Really You?

Dear Sleep,

I see you've decided to show your face again.  I have to be honest, I've been pretty upset with your behavior for quite some time now.  It took me a couple of weeks to have you back before I truly recognized you.  I'm sorry that I was so angry and I forgive you for not being around much lately.  I realize that my racing mind, thoughts and behaviors have contributed to preventing you from doing your job.  I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I am partially responsible for not respecting your needs so that you can call in Mr. Sandman every night.

I'm glad you're back and I'm feeling so much better since you unconditionally found your way back into my life.  Mr. Sandman looks the same to me and I embrace that familiar state each time he visits.

Oh....and my dreams have returned as well as my energy.  I wake up in the mornings with much less fatigue.  Thanks to you, I'm that much closer to sustainable health.

I am so grateful for you and I'll do my best to not take advantage of you again (except for the occasional late movie or evening party).  And just to let you know, my three teens and husband are all on board for allowing me to be with you as much as I need.  I'm assuming they've noticed the happier, healthier me and want to keep me that way :)

See you tonight!

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Monday, September 2, 2013

What to Do With These Emotions

There are so many aspects of life happening at this time.  The mystic and time must learn how to cooperate.  Without cooperation, there is dis-ease.  

My mother-in-law was in CICU for congestive heart failure last week.  We were successful in transitioning her to a Rehabilitation facility to help her get stronger and do some supervised healing.  I am grateful that during my own Extreme Self-Care process, I was in a place where my energy levels were consistent.  It gave me the opportunity to really be available to Ma during her time of need.  We'll take the next steps to meet her needs as they come up.

The triplets started their final year of Middle school, last week.  Every new school year creates a swirl of energy.  There's excitement, anticipation, sadness about Summer ending, school supplies, new shoes, new clothes, new routines, earlier mornings, etc... Four days before school began, my three had an opportunity to experience their last year of Middle School at a very good private school.  As a family, we chose to add school applications, re-evaluating finances and a major decision, about education, to our already full plate.  Each day was another level of excitement about he possibilities ahead.  It's been decided that the best route, for the kids, would be to finish school where they have been for the last seven years.  Consistency and looking at the big picture of finding a High School (or three), for next year, were the deciding factors.

A dear friend passed away yesterday.  The news hit me hard.  I've been allowing my heart to open more and more this year and I've allowed humility and vulnerability into my life.  It seems as though, that may explain why with her passing, I've been more emotional than any other person's passing prior. I remember my wonderful grandmother deteriorating with Lou Gehrig's Disease and eventually dying.  I didn't cry at the wake or the funeral.  I was sad and I missed her, but there were no tears.  I am surprised that there are so many tears this weekend.  This is very new to me and I continue to remind myself to allow the flow of energy and emotion.  Whatever I'm feeling, in the moment, is exactly what I'm meant to feel.  

It feels as though there are these layers of life changing events, piled on top of each other.  It seems as though, at times, it's too much to handle.  As a mystic, I see the flow of events and experiences, in this world, as the natural state.  When significant events and experiences emerge in a short timeframe, the flow becomes more my toddler-stage inner mystic.  I'm being pulled into my Human experience, throwing off the balance of Spirit and Human.  As a growing mystic, I often encourage myself to see a new perspective and rise above the limiting beliefs and emotions of the Human experience.  I'm learning that it's not an either/or situation.  I am unable to live in a purely spirit realm and I'm unable to live in a purely human realm.  It's time for me to find a balance between the Faith based spirit and the Human experience.  Neither is better than the other and there is no competition needed.  The competitive energy of trying to become more spiritual than human is, eventually, futile.  The essence of living fully is finding that 'special sauce'.  The perfect mix of Spirit having a Human experience.  There are gifts on both ends of the spectrum.  

Today, I will be gentle with myself.  I will allow the emotions with no judgement.  I will allow my body to express itself in whatever way it needs to at this time.  What feels like physical pain and weakness are not bad.  They are just the way my body communicates to me.  "Take a break...for as long as you need to. You must rejuvenate." No expectations. No attachment to some end result. No self-judgement. It's time to be.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!