Weather Forecast

My personal experience shows that New England and Fibromyalgia are not a great match.  A popular quote says, "If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a minute."

I've heard many people with fibromyalgia talk about how it seems as thought the biometric pressure has an impact on pain and stiffness.  I also wonder if it has an impact on emotions.  Could the change in air pressure be squishing our brains.  Would this explain brain fog?  I'm hoping wacky theories may inspire some researchers to find some answers for us.

This Winter, in particular, I've noticed that a few days before a big storm, I begin to experience a headache.  The pressure in my head increases as the storm approaches and the day before, I become irritable and my thinking becomes fuzzy.  The day of these storms, my brain is completely on the fritz and depression kicks in.  A thought will begin and just as quickly leave a blank space.  In the middle of sentences, I forget what I was saying and words become jumbled.  Is there a word for dyslexia of speech?  I also notice that reading is useless.  I understand the individual words as I read them but a sentence means nothing.  Imagine trying to make sense of a storyline with a sentence like, "Josephine blah de blah happily do re with blah me fa." I think it's only human to experience extreme frustration, confusion and disappointment when we know we are so incredible capable of functioning in the world…most of the time.

I've wondered if it would be easier if I had brain fog all the time.  I would have the opportunity to accept what is and learn how to live my life within the parameters of the fog.  I've had extended foggy times lasting 3 or more months.  During that time period, I went through the stages of grief and came around to accepting the condition and learning how to function in the world then the fog lifted.  I could see clearly, speak full sentences and even go out to tend to my garden without forgetting why I was suddenly standing in the middle of the yard.  I was overjoyed about feeling like myself again.  My brain felt as though it had been reattached giving me the desire to shout, "I'M ALIVE!" followed by a maniacal laugh.  The extremes of living with a brain and no brain, sight and no sight, mobility and no mobility are a huge challenge.  I think it would be an easier road acclimating to different abilities than having functionality come and go seemingly randomly.

Of course, through all of this analysis, my spiritual beliefs emerge.  I do believe that the ups and downs of the fibro roller coaster are a part of my life for a reason.  I'm learning so much about myself and how the world works.  I'm given the opportunity to learn resilience…often.  Not only is resilience useful in an ever changing world, it also opens a door to focusing on what is truly important in my life.  I've learned that even though I feel more like myself when my faculties are functioning at a high level, the aptness of my body is not who I am.  One thing that is important in my life is opening up to the true me.  I'm defined by my heart and soul and how I show up in the world, not by my physical or mental abilities.  Redefining who I am is my growing edge.  It's easy to see what I'm not and I'm on a mission to begin uncovering who I am.

We all have a process we're going through in life.  Some see the process as a fight or struggle and some see it as an opportunity.  Most of us can see both sides of the coin but if we begin to put more focus on the opportunity than the struggle, we'll see many more blessings for us in the process.  Remember, blessings are not a reward we get at the end.  Blessings are a byproduct of our willingness to wake up.

Thank you for reading, forwarding and following!!!
Terri

Sadness After a Great Day

I had the wonderful opportunity to speak in front of my spiritual congregation today.  In preparing what I would say and how I would say it, I was excited to get back on stage.  I use to dream about telling stories to groups of people, teaching classes on self care and self awareness.  These are things I use to do on occasion and each time I did them, I'd feel so alive.  I felt as though while I was teaching or speaking, things flowed with ease and grace and time disappeared. Today, I had my usual butterflies before I got on stage and while I was on stage, I was a bit jittery.  When I was finished, I could feel some of the bubbling of, "this is what I'm meant to do", coming up.   Then the tightness in my chest and the welling of tears.  I really wanted to enjoy and embrace the opportunity, but I walked away feeling extremely sad.

My husband and kids came to support me.  I got wonderful, caring feedback after the service.  I was even approached and told that I would be speaking again, many times.  When this wonderful woman said that to me, she was so confident it made me wonder if I had agreed to speak another time.  I hadn't, but it made me happy, sad and scared to hear about the possibility.

The very first time I did a public speech was in High School.  I was terrified and had a very difficult time finding a topic to talk about.  I finally decided that I'd talk about something that I didn't have to memorize.  I'd talk about a personal experience.  I took it as an opportunity to compassionately communicate how hurt I was when I was the new kid in school, 5 years prior, and I was treated very poorly.  With tacks on my chair, girls telling me I was ugly, to my face, and kids turning and walking away when I approached. I talked about how mean everyone was toward me and how lonely it felt in a new town with no friends.

The second time, was when I decided that I'd work as a clown at children's birthday parties.  I did so well with this type of speaking/performing, I built a business out of it and became a professional for ten years.

Then I became a fitness instructor teaching spinning classes and yoga classes.  All of this experience made it very clear to me that being a leader and speaker was something I had to do.  It is part of who I am.

Now, with fibromyalgia, I don't know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next.  I know that during the dry, Summer months I feel my best.  I'm capable of doing more and I feel more confident about committing to things in the future.  The last two Summers, I thought I may have overcome the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and made some big plans that carried into the Fall and Winter.  Unfortunately, I had to cancel once the damp, cold weather rolled in.  I let myself down and others who were relying on me.

My heart feels as though it's torn in two.  I'm called to speak!  I'm called to tell my story and inspire others to tell their stories and share the gifts they've gotten from their stories.  I'm called to lead.  There's a fire in my soul to speak the truth and encourage others to do the same.  This illness.  How can I let that fire burn when this pain and fatigue take over my body?  My soul has a strong and passionate mission and my body is experiencing illness that doesn't allow my soul to soar.

I have great Faith that I will find a way to allow my soul to soar.  I'll keep listening to Spirit and following the breadcrumbs.  The answer is within me....somewhere and in time, I'll hear it loud and clear.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!