Thursday, February 18, 2016

My Triplets Turned 16 and I Fell Apart

I had no idea I would become an emotional wreck when my triplets turned 16 years old.  I leaned into to the day with pride, joy and excitement.  We celebrated with sheer abandon.  The next day I was flooded with memories and the tears began to flow.

I had to make some really difficult decisions from very early on.  When my three were just 4 months old, I became a single parent with no child support.  My degree is in Early Childhood Education and when I became pregnant, I was the Director of a great child care center.  I was laid off during my maternity leave.

Before starting a family I made the appropriate plans, as all good americans are taught to do.  I had a solid degree, a solid job, owned a home and was ready to start a child at a time.  After 2 years of fertility issues and the heart-wrenching ups and downs of this cycle, it was decided that I would be just slightly more aggressive with the treatments.  The first month with the new treatment, I became pregnant with three.  My reaction to the news was pure bliss!  I had no doubts that there was a plan in place and all I needed to do is allow and receive.  Plus, my education would surely be a great asset with a 'group' of children to raise.

Given my petite size, the doctors approached me about selective reduction.  They told me that all three babies may not make it and/or I may not make it through the birth.  It was made clear that the smallest fetus would be the best choice.  I didn't hesitate to tell the doctor that I did not choose to become pregnant with three lives and I will not choose to change that fact.  I felt strongly that I was given a gift...three gifts and it was my responsibility to do all that I could to carry out the pregnancy for all of the gifts I was given.  I wasn't scared.  I was hopeful and open to the task that was handed to me.  I know who the smallest fetus was at the time and can not imagine the huge mistake it would have been to terminate that life.  I am so grateful I refused to make that decision!

No job, no child support and living 2 hours away from where I had built a life, I still had hope.  Although I didn't have the means to buy them many things or pay for a home of our own, I supported them as individuals, I kept them safe, taught them right from wrong and guided them to explore each of their worlds.  My focus has been to encourage these wonderful people to become the best of who they are meant to be.

For 12 years I was a single parent and money was scarce, but hope was abundant!  My kids were happy, healthy and exploring what life had to offer.

Our lives have changed significantly since they were 12.  I met an amazing man who was open to creating an instant family and we got married.  We now own investment property and I have a thriving real estate career.

Two days ago my triplets turned 16 years old.  On that day, I was saying, "I kept them alive for 16 years.  I don't even have a plant that has been alive more than 4 years."  I realized the reason I was saying that was because of the magnitude of responsibility I took on.  During those trying years, I shrugged off the comments of, "Triplets!  Oh my gosh.  How do you do it?" or "I have one!  I have no idea how you keep it together with three...born at the same time!"  I would not allow myself to be open to the concept of it being hard.  If I had, I wouldn't have been able to do what I did.  The doubts and stress would have eaten me up.

I realize now, that part of my calling was to raise these three souls.  They are not mine, I was just given the amazing opportunity to guide them and keep them safe until they could stand on their own.  We have a few more years before they are fully able to be independent, if they choose and I'm sure they will all fly.  They are my miracles!

Happy Birthday to my three blessings, Zyon, Hannah and Jordan.  I would do it all over again if you needed me to.  xoxoxoxo

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