The Perfectly Imperfect Life

This Chronic Fatigue is kicking my butt!  I seem to rest a good portion of the day and I sleep 8-10 hours a night, but I still feel like someone took a vacuum and sucked out every last bit of energy.  I feel like I was run over by an eighteen wheeler, the driver said, 'what was that bump?' and backed up, running over me again.  I should check for tire marks.

I try to exercise every day because it gives me an extra hour or so of energy to make a phone call or do something with the kids.  It also gives me some relief with my pain.  The hormones that are released are very helpful in lessening my pain by a couple of points, for a couple of hours.  This is significant since my body can't tolerate prescription pain medications.  It's the same with sleep aids.  My body exhibits the side effects saved for the 1%.

An hour extra in my day, where I can tolerate the pain and fatigue can feel like a whole week to me.  When I have this opportunity, I tend to jump into the standing to-do list that's been growing since my last hour of relief.  Some days, I can check off two or three things on the list and some things I delegate out to kids or my husband.  I don't enjoy asking them to do some of it, but for the tasks that are on a time frame, I need to ensure that they get done.  I just don't know if two hours from now, I'm going to crash into a state of confusion and fog or extreme back and neck pain.  Those pockets of relief are God sent and I take advantage of the time to be as productive as possible.

Sometimes I get caught in this terrible cycle of not exercising, which leads to more time with intolerable pain, which leads to being more out of it mentally and physically, being exhausted from the energy I exert dealing with the pain and dealing with the frustrations of mental confusion.

The last couple of days have been interesting.  I've felt clear headed and on my game, but the feedback I'm getting from my family tells me that I've been very much off my mark.  For example; I was very sure that I told the children about the schedule for the next few day, but none of them knew.  I've been having challenges with forming complete sentences and I'm stating phrases backwards, often.  There are times when I don't hear it, but the kids will let me know.  I've also gotten feedback on my grammar and misused words in my blog.  I edit the things I get feedback on right away, but even after reading it over and over again, I didn't catch many mistakes.  That's unusual for me.  I'm pretty meticulous about sending something out that is as comprehensive and readable, as possible.

I figure, I have a choice.  During these times, whether it's brain fog or confusion, terrible exhaustion or severe pain, I could put my head in the sand and wait for it all to pass.  I could also, get back into my exercise routine, knowing that starting up again means more fatigue at first then the body builds energy after time.  I could also keep plugging along, taking note of the bumps in the road with a smile (or chuckle) and live life.  I choose living life and exercise.  Sand is hard to get out of the hair.  It's a perfectly imperfect life and it's my life.  The life I cherish!

A Passion for Healthy Living

It just feels so good to know that I'm doing the right things for better health.  It's not the feeling of depriving myself or having to do things a certain way, as in a forced action, but a natural enthusiasm to do them.  I'm talking about everything from eating healthy foods, learning more about which food help my body, which food corporations are in alignment with my values, exercising, choosing to be around positive people, learning from those who have been there, paying attention to the breadcrumbs that are in my path and listening to my inner guidance through prayer and meditation.

Winter time has been a more challenging time for my body experiencing fibromyalgia and the foods that are readily available during that time of year, are not the best for my wellness.  Spring and Summer bring so many more opportunities for healthy eating.  Last year, my husband and I changed our eating habits drastically.  I had known, for a few years, that caffeine, sugar, gluten, dairy and a number of night shade vegetables wreaked havoc on my system.  Many of these foods caused inflammation, which turned into some painful days, some affect my capacity to think clearly and make sound decisions (brain fog) and some stopped my digestive system completely.  I tried many times to change my eating habits but found it very challenging when I was shopping and cooking for four other people in my household who loved to eat what I couldn't have.  My will power was directly connected to my energy levels.  When the chronic fatigue was acting up, my body would want the quick energy foods like carbs and sugar to try to bring up my energy.  That all changed when Ray and I were at a seminar together and a food documentary was shown.  He got the message immediately.  He was someone who  would eat instant oatmeal for every meal, always have an extra large Dunkin Donut's tea in hand and think nothing of eating a bag of chocolate chip cookies as an evening snack.  After the documentary was shown, he walked straight to the trash and threw away his XL tea with extra sugar and hasn't had caffeine since.  Through the winter, we've veered off our healthy eating track, just a little.  Now, we are committed to getting back on track and with some additional research, I know even more about what foods will help me heal, not just keep my pain at bay.

Yesterday, we started a 30 day juice fast.  I've read, watched documentaries and researched the benefits of juicing and have wanted to get a juicer for months.  Again, Ray saw a documentary with me and the next day, we were out buying a juicer.  This is our second day and I can already feel the benefits.  I admit, this early in the game, it may be the placebo effect, but I'll take feeling better any day.  I'll write more about the progress as we go along in the next 28 days.

The natural enthusiasm I mentioned earlier is popping up in areas I never thought I'd be enthusiastic about.  Politics has never been one of those areas I've been very interested in. Lately, I've been curious about what I can contribute to do my part on a bigger scale.  I've created a daily practice of self care, I am contributing in areas where I can, locally and I feel a pull to help on a national and global scale.  I see the protests by everyday people, who just want to be treated fairly and I wish I were there with them.  I can feel an uprising of personal advocacy within myself and a kinship with those who are putting their heart and souls into making change.  One small thing that I was introduced to is an app, called Buycott, for my phone. I can scan food barcodes to find out if the company is in alignment with my values.  This gives me a choice to support them by purchasing their products or not.  I'm finding this information very powerful.  I feel as though I have a say in what I feed my family and what I put into my body.  I find comfort in the truth and being able to make my own decisions based on the truth and not based on the marketing ads we are flooded with everyday.

Choice is huge when it comes to our healthy lives.  It took me almost 40 years to realize that I could choose who I spend my time with, who I learned from and who I would allow into my inner circle.  I was conditioned to think that if someone was in my life for a very long period, I was obligated to stick by their side.  People change, and sometimes in those long term relationships, people grow in different directions.  Priorities may change or something that had been tolerated for years becomes a huge obstacle to try to stay true to yourself, the longer you choose to tolerate it.  I feel the pull to be my divine self and I've lost some important people in my life because of it.  I see this as a clearing.  Sometimes things, towns, jobs or people just don't fit into the divine plan any longer and to continue on my path, I must allow the changes and sometimes make difficult choices.  I am grateful for my faith.  Without it, these changes would have been impossible, but once a decision was made, someone or something else came through, and lifted me to a new vibration.

Health, being my number two value in life, poses some challenges as I experience fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS, and the list goes on.  I'm committed to extreme self care, which includes my whole self.  Mind, body and spirit.  This 30 day fast is another stepping stone of learning how to heal my body, mind and spirit.

I'm happy to have you be a part of my journey and I hope there are some nuggets you can take with you to grow and allow your divine self to burst through.

Thanks for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!