Monday, July 15, 2013

The Perfectly Imperfect Life

This Chronic Fatigue is kicking my butt!  I seem to rest a good portion of the day and I sleep 8-10 hours a night, but I still feel like someone took a vacuum and sucked out every last bit of energy.  I feel like I was run over by an eighteen wheeler, the driver said, 'what was that bump?' and backed up, running over me again.  I should check for tire marks.

I try to exercise every day because it gives me an extra hour or so of energy to make a phone call or do something with the kids.  It also gives me some relief with my pain.  The hormones that are released are very helpful in lessening my pain by a couple of points, for a couple of hours.  This is significant since my body can't tolerate prescription pain medications.  It's the same with sleep aids.  My body exhibits the side effects saved for the 1%.

An hour extra in my day, where I can tolerate the pain and fatigue can feel like a whole week to me.  When I have this opportunity, I tend to jump into the standing to-do list that's been growing since my last hour of relief.  Some days, I can check off two or three things on the list and some things I delegate out to kids or my husband.  I don't enjoy asking them to do some of it, but for the tasks that are on a time frame, I need to ensure that they get done.  I just don't know if two hours from now, I'm going to crash into a state of confusion and fog or extreme back and neck pain.  Those pockets of relief are God sent and I take advantage of the time to be as productive as possible.

Sometimes I get caught in this terrible cycle of not exercising, which leads to more time with intolerable pain, which leads to being more out of it mentally and physically, being exhausted from the energy I exert dealing with the pain and dealing with the frustrations of mental confusion.

The last couple of days have been interesting.  I've felt clear headed and on my game, but the feedback I'm getting from my family tells me that I've been very much off my mark.  For example; I was very sure that I told the children about the schedule for the next few day, but none of them knew.  I've been having challenges with forming complete sentences and I'm stating phrases backwards, often.  There are times when I don't hear it, but the kids will let me know.  I've also gotten feedback on my grammar and misused words in my blog.  I edit the things I get feedback on right away, but even after reading it over and over again, I didn't catch many mistakes.  That's unusual for me.  I'm pretty meticulous about sending something out that is as comprehensive and readable, as possible.

I figure, I have a choice.  During these times, whether it's brain fog or confusion, terrible exhaustion or severe pain, I could put my head in the sand and wait for it all to pass.  I could also, get back into my exercise routine, knowing that starting up again means more fatigue at first then the body builds energy after time.  I could also keep plugging along, taking note of the bumps in the road with a smile (or chuckle) and live life.  I choose living life and exercise.  Sand is hard to get out of the hair.  It's a perfectly imperfect life and it's my life.  The life I cherish!