Monday, September 23, 2013

A Frank Conversation With Myself

This is a conversation I've had to have with myself on many occasions throughout my life.  When I just can't take my behavior anymore, I sit myself down and ask the difficult questions.  The last time I did this, it was about my state of health.

Me:  Are you happy?

Myself:  No, I'm sick and I feel broken.

Me:  Do you want to get better?

Myself:  Yes, but..

Me: No buts!  Let's focus on the 'yes'

Myself:  It might not be possible for me to get better.  No one I know has healed Fibromyalgia and on top of it, I have tons of other things wrong with my body.  Plus, in order to heal, I'd need energy and I have none.  It feels hopeless.

Me:  Do you want to get better?

Myself:  Yes

Me:  I can't hear you....

Myself: Really, are you going to make me shout it?

Me:  Yes :D

Myself:  YES!!

Me:  Then you must believe that you can be healed.  So what if you don't know anyone who's been cured of Fibro before.  Maybe that's your path in show others that it's possible and that there's hope.  It's not like you've never been a trail blazer before...think back at the numerous times in your life when you had a desire that seemed unreachable, there were no role models or maps to get your there and who got you there?

Myself:  Me.

Me:  That's right.  All those times were preparing you for this.  You needed to practice courage, creating a path that worked and taking some massive action.  Can you think of a challenge you may have had, with any of those past desires that you turned into successes?

Myself:  Uhmmmm....well...not really.  It just happened.  I had a deep desire and I made it happen.

Me:  What do you mean by, "I made it happen?"

Myself:  Well, I got this level of intensity where I wouldn't let anyone or anything get in my way.  It kind of felt as though I forced the issue, pushing so hard and sometimes got angry.  Now that I think back, my actions and intensity may have been misunderstood as aggressive by some.  It was the attitude of I want it and I want it now.

Me:  Is this the way you would want to achieve good health?

Myself:  Wow, when you put it that way, the high level of intensity seems to be the opposite of good health.  The feeling I had when I felt as though I was fighting against everyone and everything to get what I desired.....oh, not a good feeling.  I never intended to fight against anyone to get things.

Me:  Do you think there's another way?

Myself:  There must be! I've had enough life experience to realize that I don't need to fight my way through to get my desires met. Once I think about the desire and relate it to positive emotion and feelings, it flows to me.  Whether I get intense or insistent, doesn't determine the outcome.  It's the joy and peace around the desire that draws it to me.  That must mean that as long as there is a thought of a desire, connecting the desire to positive emotion and taking peaceful action, I can eliminate the pushy intensity.  

Have you ever had a conversation, with yourself, that looked a bit like this?

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