My mother-in-law was in CICU for congestive heart failure last week. We were successful in transitioning her to a Rehabilitation facility to help her get stronger and do some supervised healing. I am grateful that during my own Extreme Self-Care process, I was in a place where my energy levels were consistent. It gave me the opportunity to really be available to Ma during her time of need. We'll take the next steps to meet her needs as they come up.
The triplets started their final year of Middle school, last week. Every new school year creates a swirl of energy. There's excitement, anticipation, sadness about Summer ending, school supplies, new shoes, new clothes, new routines, earlier mornings, etc... Four days before school began, my three had an opportunity to experience their last year of Middle School at a very good private school. As a family, we chose to add school applications, re-evaluating finances and a major decision, about education, to our already full plate. Each day was another level of excitement about he possibilities ahead. It's been decided that the best route, for the kids, would be to finish school where they have been for the last seven years. Consistency and looking at the big picture of finding a High School (or three), for next year, were the deciding factors.
A dear friend passed away yesterday. The news hit me hard. I've been allowing my heart to open more and more this year and I've allowed humility and vulnerability into my life. It seems as though, that may explain why with her passing, I've been more emotional than any other person's passing prior. I remember my wonderful grandmother deteriorating with Lou Gehrig's Disease and eventually dying. I didn't cry at the wake or the funeral. I was sad and I missed her, but there were no tears. I am surprised that there are so many tears this weekend. This is very new to me and I continue to remind myself to allow the flow of energy and emotion. Whatever I'm feeling, in the moment, is exactly what I'm meant to feel.
It feels as though there are these layers of life changing events, piled on top of each other. It seems as though, at times, it's too much to handle. As a mystic, I see the flow of events and experiences, in this world, as the natural state. When significant events and experiences emerge in a short timeframe, the flow becomes more convoluted...to my toddler-stage inner mystic. I'm being pulled into my Human experience, throwing off the balance of Spirit and Human. As a growing mystic, I often encourage myself to see a new perspective and rise above the limiting beliefs and emotions of the Human experience. I'm learning that it's not an either/or situation. I am unable to live in a purely spirit realm and I'm unable to live in a purely human realm. It's time for me to find a balance between the Faith based spirit and the Human experience. Neither is better than the other and there is no competition needed. The competitive energy of trying to become more spiritual than human is, eventually, futile. The essence of living fully is finding that 'special sauce'. The perfect mix of Spirit having a Human experience. There are gifts on both ends of the spectrum.
Today, I will be gentle with myself. I will allow the emotions with no judgement. I will allow my body to express itself in whatever way it needs to at this time. What feels like physical pain and weakness are not bad. They are just the way my body communicates to me. "Take a break...for as long as you need to. You must rejuvenate." No expectations. No attachment to some end result. No self-judgement. It's time to be.
Thank you for reading, forwarding and following my posts!!!
Terri
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