I consider my current understanding on non-attachment a gift of Fibromyalgia. I was given the opportunity to release any connection of who I am from what I do. I worked really hard, for many years to be able to boast about my four successful businesses and I held my status of a single mom with triplets as a badge of honor. Well, who wouldn't with many commenting, "How do you do it?" (like I was some superhero). There were times my over developed ego would hang that plaque of pride and my under utilized essence would quiver at the immaturity of my human state. There was a time when I was angry at Fibro for robbing me of those titles. I morned the loss of what I thought was my identity. I realized that the pain of loss was because I was so attached to the idea that these things defined me and if they didn't exist, I wouldn't either. Well...I'm still here.
I had an earlier lesson around non-attachment that stands out for me. My yoga studio was going bankrupt and I was in a panic. My attorney suggested that no judge would allow me to continue with my current car payment if I had no income and I totally freaked out in his office. It went something like this...WHAT?!...I CAN'T GET RID OF MY BLEEPIN' CAR! I HAVE TRIPLETS WHO ARE TODDLERS! HOW THE BLEEP DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THEM TO DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS?! WHAT IF THERE'S A BLEEPIN' EMERGENCY? THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING UP MY BLEEPIN' CAR!!!!! Then I promptly left because I was so embarrassed by my behavior and, umm... language.
About a week later, I had an interesting dream. In my dream, I was dreaming that I woke up and walked out of my bedroom and saw something out the window. There were two men in dark blue jumpsuits walking around my car. I panicked, went back to my bedroom to throw on a bathrobe and when I returned, the men were gone and so was my car. When I woke up...for real, my car was right where I parked it. This was one of those dreams that I've become accustomed to, so I payed close attention. I knew that I had a choice. Either I have control of when and how I release my car or a judge orders it be taken at some unknown time or place. I had no idea how the system worked, so of course my mind went to the most unpleasant experience. What if I were out with my children and the car was impounded from a parking lot. I allowed myself to release my very strong attachment to the car and returned to to the dealership. I had no plan for transportation but I did have faith that all would be fine. Some amazing gifts came from this practice of non-attachment including a free automobile coming into our lives about a year and a half after I gave mine back. Just to let you know, I lived in a town that has only intermittent town buses. Transportation was tricky at times but it taught me a great deal about prioritizing travel.
Living a life of non-attachment has opened my heart and soul to what is truly important. I am not defined by Fibro or my degree or the businesses I created or even by being a mom to triplets. I am defined by the gifts I have to share with the world. I'm me.
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