One of the aspects of fibromyalgia that hit me hard today, was how painful clothing can be. This is something that I've found difficult to explain to doctors and others who don't have fibro. For many of us, some days there's muscle or joint pain, some days there's headaches, some days our clothing hurts and most days it's a random combination of any of these. It's easier to help people relate to the muscle pain because it can be very similar to a strain or exercising to the point where walking down steps is a stabbing agony. Similarly, describing joint pain can be related to a sensation that many people have experienced. When it comes to explaining the pain of seams, elastics, buttons or just a fabric rubbing against the skin as painful, I get blank stares.
Today started with an immediate discomfort from the collar on my t-shirt. It was just a simple round neck t-shirt that I quickly threw on, to go for a walk. As soon as it touched the front of my neck, I felt the pressure. It was loose fitting, but just the fabric, gently sitting at the front of my neck, began to trigger the signals to the brain saying, "too tight!". I've been at this long enough to know that if I didn't change into a v-neck shirt, I'd land myself into bed with a migraine. I'm pretty sure my husband has gotten use to me jumping into my jeans in the morning and within seconds tearing them off to grab the leggings in the drawer. He probably thinks it's a fickle girl thing, but nope, it's a pain thing. I usually wear the basic round neck t-shirt to exercise, because that's what I have, and it doesn't bother me. Every day is different and I've learned to pay attention, listen and respond to what my body is trying to tell me.
After exercise, it was the sneakers that were boring into the soles of my feet. I still haven't figured out how a flat surface can feel as though it's drilling a hole into the bottom of my feet, but I can tell you it's torture. So, those babies got yanked off and put away. Then it was the seatbelt in the car. Every turn or bump we went over, the seatbelt would saw just a little deeper into my skin.
I woke up this morning with a plan. There was one thing I needed to do, and that was to get to my doctor's appointment, and one thing I wanted to do and that was to clean off the dining room table. Often when I have a day that starts out the way this one did, I continue to adjust, listen and adjust again as quickly as possible so I can avoid a full blown flare. It didn't seem as though it was too much to expect for the day and I would pace myself. It's still hard to release, let go and accept that my body is needing some big, roomy clothes and a tempurpedic mattress. Today the big roomy clothes and bed is where I landed and the dining room table is still cluttered. I guess I'll save that for another day.
There's a level of stir crazy that I hit when I've been gentle with my body, staying still and listening for days on end. I have an active spirit and when the brain fog lightens up, an active mind. So, I push the boundaries at times, hoping that one day I'll just 'mind over matter' the chronic illness and will myself into health. As much as I do believe that there is a cure for this chronic pain and illness, I also believe that it starts with awareness, inner healing and treatments that look at the body, mind and soul as a whole. There needs to be a rebalancing of all the working systems of the body.
Gotta go, the wrinkles in this sheet, on the bed, are killing me.
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