A Big Surprise

I started this blog as an outlet for the challenges I was experiencing and never had a way to express them.  For years I felt as though I wasn't being authentic.  I was a 'good spiritual student' and followed all the advice of my mentors.  I became more aware of my thought patterns and learned how to turn them around, I uncovered old beliefs that didn't serve me any longer and replaced them with new ones.  I faked it, believing that I'd eventually make it.  The more I faked it, the more I felt like I was a fraud.  I was trying to balance the shadow side of me with the light. It was dim, but I knew it was still there.  

At some point, last Fall, I ran out of energy to continue faking it and hoping that one day I'll make it.  The shadows crept in and took over.  They were so intense and overwhelming that I felt I had no control over them.  The tsunami of all the emotional and physical pain I was in, had washed away the hopes and dreams of one day enjoying the life (inside and out) that I deserved.  I didn't talk about the shadows because I didn't want to put any energy into them.  Again, this may have been a misunderstanding, on my part, of the teachings from my spiritual leaders.  Seeing the devastation after the tsunami, I realized that 'their' way was not what was working for me.  I needed to find my way to heal.  

I know for sure, that I'll never be someone who complains, bitches or uses my illnesses as an excuse.  My intentions for writing, is not to purge the grossness so someone will rescue me and fix it for me.  I intend to express the greatness of the gifts as well as the challenges and as I do that, I'll continue to look at the challenges as opportunities to learn and grow and heal.  I have things to do in this world.  

Important things and without the healing process, I'll never be able to fulfill my destiny (whatever that may be).  I'm a seeker and I always will be.  

I'm enjoying this journey and it's been a Big Surprise that others have been coming across my blog, reading it and returning.  My gratitude goes out to all those, around the world, who have read and hopefully, enjoyed or related to my stories. Thanks to the individuals from, the USA, the Netherlands, Russia, Australia, Canada, Germany, the United Kingdom, Japan, Morocco, and Malaysia.  My heart glows knowing that these words, my stories and my vulnerability in the stories has been shared around the globe.  This blog is the authentic me and I'm overjoyed that I have the opportunity to have found a place where I can be authentic and inspire others.

Knowing that there are ten countries reading my blog, I'd really enjoy hearing from those of you who are reading.  It is one thing to know that these countries are represented, but it is a whole other feeling when I can connect with the individuals who are, quietly, a part of my community.  Please feel free to send a quick 'Hello' or share your story in the comments section below.  You inspire me!

Thank you for reading, forwarding, and following my blog!