Sunday, June 2, 2013

I'm Following the Breadcrumbs

During bad fibro days, brain fog and inclement weather, it feels as though I'm stuck in quicksand at night in the middle of the cursed forest.  It hurts physically and emotionally.  It tricks me into feeling less than and not enough.  I have difficulty dealing with social environments.  My body and brain don't respond in the ways that I'm accustomed to; feeling strong and balanced and thoughts flowing easily.  Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm in flare.  Once I called my Mom and as we were chatting, I mentioned that I thought I might have the flu because I felt terribly achy and as if I had medicine head.  She kindly reminded me that it was probably the fibromyalgia.

Whether I'm in flare or not, I'm always being sent signs.  For years, I've used these signs to lead me in the right direction.  I'm grateful that I can trust in these 'breadcrumbs' to lead me and remind me of who I truly am, especially during those darkest times.

Just yesterday, it was a challenging morning, with a spat with  my spouse, weak muscles and cement columns for legs.  Despite all of that, I was determined to exercise and needed to get out of the house.  I opted for a joggle with no expectation to go any significant distance.  The no expectation part was a good choice because my wobbly jog got me about 300 yards from the house.  I wasn't ready to go home so I continued with a slow, slumped walk.  As I continued forward, I saw something glimmer on the side of the road so I stopped to take a look.  It was a child's plastic gem in the shape of a heart.  I knew right away that it was the sign I needed.  Open my heart to the beauty of  nature that surrounded me and connect from the heart to my spouse.  I immediately began to feel uplifted.  This wonderful breadcrumb encouraged me to literally keep moving forward.  As I walked, I became aware of my posture and lifted my shoulders.  I felt the muscles in my legs loosen and relax and those wonderful endorphins began to kick in.

I was enjoying the sun and warmth, observing my thoughts and going over my gratitude list out loud. Again, I noticed something catch my eye.  It was a quarter.  Just lying there on the side of the road...for me :) I picked it up and asked myself, "What is this sign leading me to?"  I got my answer instantaneously.  No need to worry about money.  Abundance is all around.  And just in case I didn't get the message loud and clear, I came across three pennies, to add to my handful of breadcrumbs, during my 3 mile walk.

Since my walk yesterday and the signs I encountered, I feel as though I've been catapulted from the cold, crushing quicksand to a bright, light and wonderful world.  I can feel an effortless energy flowing through my body.  Even the pain, although still present, is more tolerable.

I'm overjoyed and incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to experience the world with ease and grace.  Not every day is like this, but I'm constantly reminded that this is what I strive for.  I am learning how to listen and follow the breadcrumbs in order to create more and more days of joy.  There is a knowing within my soul that this state of being is sustainable.  Looking and feeling beyond the perceived limitations of my illnesses. It is possible!

Thanks for reading!