Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Dear Sleep,

You sure are an illusive one.  And tricky too.  I appreciate visiting you each day with my fluffy blanket pulled to my chin and my cozy tempur pedic mattress gently holding me.  Between you and me, I'm fortunate to have the opportunity to visit you when my body needs the rest.  Our visits each evening are comforting and our brief hour or so get-togethers during the day are appreciated.

Often when I hunker in and close my eyes, it feels as though you arrive very quickly.  Sometimes my body aches and pains interrupt our time, but other than that, I feel relaxed and within your spell.  Can you tell me why when I do awake from your spell, after visiting for 8 or 9 hours, I still feel weak and tired?  Isn't this your area of expertise.  My understanding is that your role is to help my body and mind rejuvenate so I can visit Waking Time with energy and invigoration.

Lately, Waking Time has offered me some exciting and inspiring experiences that help distract me from the physical challenges and I've been energized by these prospects.  So, I apologize for not keeping our scheduled appointments; nightly at about 10pm.  There are just so many ideas flowing through me, I'm motivated to share them on this blog and the best time to do that is when the family has settled in for the evening.

I've also missed our daily nap time visits that my body craves at about 2pm, but last week, you were keeping me under your spell for three or four hours when we agreed on an hour at the most.  I do ask that you respect my wishes because balance between you and Waking Time are very important to my overall health.

Sleep, I do love you and have spent extra time with you, especially this past Winter.  We learned that the extra time was detrimental to my overall health and you kept tempting me and drawing me in.  This is very difficult for me.  Due to the Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and Depression, I'm going to have to set some clear limits.  I realize this will be an adjustment for you and I know that in time you'll see that I'm not abandoning you.

Tonight, I'm going in to do a sleep study.  I'll have more answers once the results come in and can make some clear decisions about you and me.  I realize that some of our challenges are not all your fault.  Sleep, you and I are fortunate to have someone close by to give us feedback on how the time we spend together goes.  Ray tells me that I grind my teeth pretty badly, I run in my sleep and sometimes kick him by accident.  Recently, he told me that I was swinging my arms in the air when I was under your spell.  I can only assume that my body was imagining doing laps in the pool.  I'm not sure if you've known about this unusual activity while we spend our time together, but I do take responsibility for those interruptions.

In this moment, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open.  My body needs you and I can feel your pull.  I would enjoy spending some time together this afternoon, but I've been advised against it in order to get the best results from the sleep study.

So, lets work together in the future.  No more pulling, tempting and drawing me in, during the day for hours on end.  I ask that you make yourself available for when I need you and we stick to a schedule as well as we can.  I'll visit between 9pm and 10pm and occasionally during the day for an hour.  I can even help us stay to the hour by setting a gentle alarm to remind us that we must part until the evening.

You're important to me and I know we can work this out.  We're a team and we need each other.  Thanks for all that you provide for my wellbeing and thanks for understanding.  I'll be closing my eyes and visiting again tonight.  Till then, my friend.