Sunday, June 9, 2013

All I Need to do is Look Up

During one of the most physically and emotionally painful times this past Winter, I had an ongoing dream at night and vision that would come during the day.  During the waking hours, I would use my training with awareness, acknowledgement and choosing to change my thoughts.  These tools weren't working and I didn't know why.  It was frustrating because I've used these tools before and I was able to refocus my attention on something uplifting or joyful or plain old distracting.  I eventually realized that there must be something more I needed to learn from this dream.  I needed to explore it further.  This is a scary proposal because I was worried that I would spiral down to a place where I couldn't return.  Thoughts of, maybe I'm meant to be a crabby, crippled old lady at age 45.  Regardless of the fears, I chose to explore my dream further.

I saw myself sitting on a cold, stone, dirty, slab floor.  My knees were bent and tucked under my chin with my arms wrapped tightly around my knees. I felt cold and every part of my body hurt including my heart.  The walls, all around were only about two feet from where I sat.  This small space had walls made of large, round rocks.  Although they were round, they fit together perfectly, not letting any light through.  It was very dark, quiet, scary and lonely.  I couldn't hear anyone or anything from where I was.  It felt as though moving was just a waste of energy, so I saw myself sitting, motionless in the dark for what felt like months or even years.

As I opened myself up to what I was seeing in the dream, I acknowledged the pain and the cold and the loneliness.  I was able to embrace the experience even though it was sad and desperate.  I then saw myself, in this dank dungeon, lift my head.  My eyes scanned the dark stone walls from the floor to the ceiling.  What I saw was amazing.  A small window with light shining through.  I had not known it was even there.  It must have always been there, but I never looked up.  I had been consumed by what I was seeing and feeling from my limited perspective, on the floor.

This was a great revelation!  I'd like to say that the walls disappeared the light became brighter and surrounded me fully in that moment, but it didn't.  I knew the light was there and life was just waiting for me, but I also needed to learn how to stand again.  I needed to take deep breaths again.  My body needed to warm with the sunshine.  There was still a process I had to go through to make my way out of the dungeon and into life again.

As I move through my process of exploring and seeking the gifts that are hidden in the dungeon, I'm realizing my purpose and my place in life.  My friend, @Jackie Woodside touched on this today, when she spoke at @Unity on the River.  She said that no matter what our outer circumstances are, we all have treasures and talents to share with the world.  It's a matter of trusting and having faith in this and uncovering our gifts.

I have had many days like yesterday.  Days where the joy flows with ease and grace.  This is what I seek and know that as my joy flows, my gifts become more clear to me.  So on that rare occasion, when
I feel as though I'm standing on the dark side of the moon, all I need to do is look up!

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