Fibro fog is a funny fact of fibromyalgia. It can feel anywhere between a light haze and heavy smog. Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm experiencing brain fog during the light haze days. Things are a little fuzzy, words don't come to mind very quickly and sometimes I find myself wandering about with no real destination (in the house, of course). The heavy smog phase feels light a weight on my head and shoulders, my eyesight weakens, my hearing becomes very sensitive and communication is challenged.
Get togethers with my family can be interesting. My Mom, my sister and I all experience brain fog. If someone actually recorded holidays, it could be a sitcom. We could all be in different stages of fog, but we are so happy to be together that we chat up a storm (as women do), and often don't make any sense to an onlooker. I'm not even sure if we understand each other because comprehension is hindered too. Since complete thoughts are a challenge, words are hard to come by so we tend to make up our own words. My Mom is notorious for speaking backwards, switching either the order of words in a sentence or switching the first letters of consecutive words. At this point, we don't even stop to point out the mix up, we just keep on gabbing. It is nice to have close family who understand each other, or don't :)
The fibro fog causes me some confusion which makes me self conscious. This is one of the reasons why social situations are a challenge when my brain is experiencing a fog. I realize that there are many times when I am around people and they can't tell if a fog has rolled into my brain. I present very well, when I need to, but it takes a great deal of effort. I have one friend whom I contacted via email to let him know about a get-together we were having. When he showed up, I said that I was really glad to see him and that I kept meaning to email him to let him know about the event. He replied by telling me that he did get an email, with all the details of the event and I actually sent two, on two consecutive days. He may have been able to tell I was having a week-long brain fog after that conversation.
I go through stages of being around friends, my spiritual community and calling those who are important to me and times when I hunker down, waiting for the fog to pass. This past Winter was a tough one. I spent a lot of time hibernating. There were a few Sundays that I pushed myself to go to Unity on the River, but I didn't talk to many people. Then there are times when my brain is clear, with thoughts and ideas flowing. These are my most social and talkative times. They're also my most productive times, because I can formulate plans and full thoughts and communicate my thoughts effectively.
I'm grateful for those people in my life who are always there for me. During some of the more blinding fogs, I question if my friends or family are there for me. I know this is just part of the illness and that if I could stretch my faith, and reach out to my friends during foggy times, they would remind me that they'll always be available when I need them. I have to admit, FB has been a place where I can feel connected when my brain doesn't. I can be as active or inactive on the social network as I need to be and find that everyone is still there when I return from fog island.
So to my family, my former work associates, my blog followers, my HS classmates, my spiritual community at Unity on the River and my FB friends, thank you for being there for me even when I'm not all there!
Thanks for reading, following and forwarding!
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